Remember me
by Big Cliffy Meanie1
Summary: TJ enters the witness relocation programme, and Spinelli is falsely informed that he died. 10 years on, Spinelli is unhappily married and working in a hospital, never truly accepting the loss. But who is the mysterious patient Spinelli is caring for?
1. Chapter 1: You look familiar

Here it is, my new fic! I've been looking forward to posting it for a while. The whole thing was inspired by Downton Abby, a show that airs here in the UK! This fic has NOTHING to do with that Robert Pattison film that has a similar/the same name.

This is rated T, because there will be a fair amount bad language, and violence!

Here is the summary, a slight bit has been added, as I couldn't fit it in on the other summary!

At 12, TJ enters the Witness Relocation Programme, Spinelli being falsely informed that he died. 10 years on, Spinelli is unhappily married & working in a hospital, never truly accepting the loss. But who is the mysterious patient Spinelli is caring for?

I warn you, this fic will have you frustrated, but I hope you enjoy it nevertheless!

**Chapter 1: You look familiar**

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"_TJ, Mr and Mrs Spinelli has to work, so Ashley will be spending the day again" my mum said, leading my four year old best friend, Ashley Spinelli, into the living room "Now you both settle down and watch Bonkey the Dinosaur, and I'll get you some milk and cookies!"_

"_SPIN!" I cried, running toward her and hugging her._

"_TJ!" she shouted running toward me and hugging me too._

_The theme tune of Bonkey started, and I ran around my living room excitedly, singing along to the lyrics "BONKEY BONKEY!"_

_I stopped running as I saw Spinelli standing and staring at me._

"_Spin no like Bonkey?" I asked_

"_Bonkey whomps!" she said, blowing a raspberry._

"_What's whomps?" I asked with confusion, everyone liked Bonkey!_

"_It means Bonkey is smelly, I no like Bonkey!"_

"_Whomps?" I repeated, pondering the new word "Tender! I like that word!"_

_..._

_A snowball hit me straight in the face, wiping the snow out my eyes; I could see my best friend, 12 year old Ashley Spinelli, grinning at me._

"_I'm gunna get you back for that one Spin!" I said, grinning and gathering together a handful of snow._

"_You'll have to catch me first Detweiler!" she said, laughing and running away, her raven blew in the wind, and reflecting the winter sunlight as sped off. Spinelli glanced over her shoulder her flipping across her face "Gotta be faster than that Teej!"_

_Laughing I threw the snowball high in the air, and watched it disappear into the blinding sunlight..._

_...I was driving; a bright light in front of me nearly blinded me, narrowing my eyes I saw the lorry swerving toward me. I slammed my foot on the break and the car skidded. First came the deafening sound of crashing metal, and then came the pain, my face, my legs, my shoulder_...

"Mr Slater, Mr Slater, wake up" I heard a soft female voice call, but who was Mr Slater? I felt myself been shaken gently.

"Mr Slater, wake up, you're having a bad dream" I opened my eyes, and realised I had been dreaming, I was now awake, in a hospital bed, barley able to move. Bandages covered my face. As I tried to move, I realised my right shoulder and arm were in a cast, as was the bottom half of my left arm, and right leg; I then remembered that yesterday I'd been in a car accident. I looked at the person shaking me; she was beautiful, long, silky raven hair, tied up in a high pony tail, warm chocolate brown eyes and olive brown skin. It couldn't possibly be...

"Mr Slater?" she asked again, as I continued to stare at her in amazement.

"Uh, yes" I said, coming to my senses "yes that's me, just call me Zack"

In reality, my name wasn't Zack Slater at all, it was TJ Detweiler. When I was twelve years old, things turned bad between my sister Becky, and her husband Jimmy. Becky's life and her relationship with Jimmy became violent, and finally, after months, Becky retaliated to the violence against her, hitting Jimmy around the head with a frying pan. Jimmy had to be admitted to hospital, but wound up making a full recovery; however things only got worse from there. Jimmy and his family were part of a large, and notorious criminal gang, and they hadn't taken kindly to Becky's retaliation.

I can only remember snippets of that night. I remember us all sat, having a family meal when Jimmy and his gang stormed into our house. They shot their guns, violently smashed our home apart, and hit us. Sometimes when I dream, I go back to that night, and I can still hear the brutal sounds of fists on flesh, over and over again, then Becky's blood curdling scream would temporarily drown out the sounds of the harsh, merciless violence, before they'd return again. Those sounds will be something that never leave me, I then remembered the searing pain in my chest as I'd been shot, and everything went black.

The public, and our friends and family were told of how we _all_ tragically lost our lives, but in reality, this wasn't true. My mother, father, and Becky had all died that night, but I alone, was lucky enough to survive. As soon as I'd recovered I entered the witness relocation programme, and I was given a new adoptive family, my new name, Zack Slater, and I was made to leave my old life behind. I drew my attentions back to the young woman stood in front of me.

"Hello Zack, my name is Ashley, I'll be the health care assistant looking after you today" she said with a smile "It's time for your routine observations, could I please take your blood pressure?" (A/N: I'm unsure of what I 'health care assistant' would be called in the US, it might be the same title, but basically, this is someone that carries out personal care, and other tasks. They generally look after people, and can work in other places, such as old people's homes)

"Uh, yeah, sure" I said, continuing to study her familiar face "You look familiar, what's your surname?"

"Lawson" she replied simply, wrapping the blood pressure cuff around my arm "Ashley Lawson-"

"Lawson?" I interrupted in horror, no, it couldn't be...

"Yes, I'm not sure if you'd know me or my husband Irwin Lawson tough" she said, inflating the cuff around my arm "We've just moved here for his work. Maybe you went to college with him?"

"You look familiar" I repeated as I felt my heart drop like a led weight, I continued hopefully "Do I look familiar?"

"I can't say so" she replied, putting the ear pieces of the stethoscope in her ear, I felt my heart sink even further, didn't she recognise me? She looked into my eyes and smiled "But I've got to say, I don't meet many people with bandages covering their face"

"Oh, of course" I replied, my spirits didn't lift however.

"Well you seem to be all in order" she replied "Breakfast will be along in a while, then I'll be back to help you have a wash"

I watched her leave, her ponytail swinging as she approached the man in the bed next to me.

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There it was, the first chapter, I will refer to TJ and Spinelli as TJ and Spinelli, not as Zack and Ashley, just thought i'd make that clear now! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for reading!

I'm dyslexic, so I'll apologise now for any spelling and grammar mistakes, I've done my best to make sure they're not there!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	2. Chapter 2: I'll just call you Irwin

**OK well somehow chapter three replaced this chapter**

**I realised when I was browsing the story months after i;ve posted it, and when I was posting, this chapter was chapter 2, confusing? Yes!**

**Anyway, I highly doubt anyone is reading this so long after its published but i'm fixing it anyway!**

**If you are reading please review, it'll make my day! I welcome constructive criticism, but would rather not get any flames, thank you!**

**Chapter 2: ****I'll just call you Irwin**

Pulling my hair into a high ponytail and stifling a yawn, I made my way onto the ward for another long shift. I may have just moved here, but I'd had the same job before this and things were always the same; my husband had said the move was for a _fresh start_, but life is always the same.

"Morning Ashley" greeted Jane, Jane was one of the nicer nurses on the ward, I smiled weakly as I sat with her, ready for handover; nearly four years on from when I'd gotten married, and I still despised being called Ashley.

"So, bed 1a is empty" explained Kelly, the nurse handing over from the previous night shift "In bed 1b is twenty-two year old Zack Slater, young male that came into us yesterday after a road traffic accident, fracture of the right proximal humerus-"

"Sorry, what is that again?" I interrupted; I was now on a trauma-orthopaedic ward, my previous ward being a respiratory ward, so I was struggling to come to terms with the terminology.

"A particularly nasty fracture to the right shoulder" Jane whispered to me as Kelly continued. "He's on this afternoon's theatre list for surgery, he'll be having open reduction with internal fixation, where they'll pin the shoulder together to fix it. He also has a fracture to his left radius" "That's the larger of the two bones in the bottom of the arm" Jane whispered quietly to me. "Along with this, Mr Slater has a fracture to his right Tipula which he'll also be having surgery on" continued Kelly glancing irritably as Jane whispered to me again. "that's the larger bone in the top of his leg" "Along with this, he is undergoing a new trail treatment for chemical burns to his face and left shoulder. I believe the damage to his face isn't too bad and the treatment is just preventative, but we haven't seen this, as the bandages are on. The burns on his shoulder however, are reported to be worse. Finally Mr Slater is suffering with hyponatremia and hyperkalemia as a result of the burns which he sustained, so he is currently having intravenous fluids to treat this"

"Sorry" I interrupted again "I get these mixed up, what are they again is hyponatremia the one that means low sodium?"

"Yes" replied Kelly stiffly "and if you must also know hyperkalemia is the raised levels of potassium in the blood, although why you'd need to know this is beyond me"

I zoned out a little, as Kelly continued to handover, I was only aware of my daydreams as Kelly stood up and walked away.

"Don't mind her" said Jane with a smile "She can be a little bit irritable after a night shift, I've been qualified for a year now, but when I first started on here, she'd go mad if I'd ask anything! She's nice enough, but tends to get a bit funny when you keep asking what things mean"

"I was really only curious, that poor man in bed 1b, it sounds like that crash was awful" I replied.

"It was, he was involved in that huge accident yesterday with the big chemical spillage, that's how he got the burns"

"Man, that crash was awful, Lawson and I must have passed there minutes before it happened"

"You call your husband by his surname?" asked Jane curiously.

"Yes" I said with a smile "It's something we always used to have in common, we both hated our first name; his name is Irwin you see"

"Ah, Yes I can see that" replied Jane with a grin "But Ashley is a lovely name, I have noticed you don't really like to be called that though"

"Yeah, well I can hardly have everyone calling me Lawson can I?" I laughed "It'd get a little confusing"

"This is true, and I don't think we'd want to call you Irwin either!" replied Jane, we both laughed for a while, I couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed so hard. I'd drifted away from my friends and family after I graduated high school and got married. My parents couldn't afford for me to go to college, so I moved away to where Lawson was attending college, moved in with him and enrolled in community college. However, one thing led to another, and I wound up dropping out and getting a job as a health care assistant in the local hospital. I drew my attentions back to the current situation looking at Jane as she continued "So, what did everyone call you before?"

"Spinelli" I replied "My surname used to be Spinelli, but Lawson doesn't like the idea of me being calling myself by my maiden name. He says I'm not Spinelli now, as I'm married, so I'm going by Ashley"

"I'd have told him where to stick it to be honest, and you don't strike me as someone that takes any crap" replied Jane "But I'll tell you what, if Spinelli won't work as a name, Lawson won't work, and you hate the name Ashley, I'll just call you Irwin?"

"Deal" I said laughing.

"Oh crap" said Jane checking the watch that was pinned to her uniform "Look at the time, I better start my drugs round, are you ok to start the obs?"

I nodded, and made my way to the patient in bed 1b, Zack Slater. As I approached the bed, I saw him shifting around, clearly in the middle of the bad dream.

"Mr Slater, Mr Slater, wake up" I whispered, gently shaking him, I spoke a little louder "Mr Slater, wake up, you're having a bad dream"

He turned slightly, his face covered in bandages, but as he opened his eyes, I could see they were a piercing blue; there was something familiar about them, but I couldn't put my finger on it. After a moment or so, I realised that I'd been looking deeply into his eyes, and he'd been staring intently back at me.

"Mr Slater?" I asked.

"Uh, yes, yes that's me, just call me Zack" he replied, breaking his intent gaze.

"Hello Zack, my name is Ashley, I'll be the health care assistant looking after you today" I explained, smiling at him and trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach "It's time for your routine observations, could I please take your blood pressure?"

"Uh, yeah, sure" he replied, he seemed to be studying me "You look familiar, what's your surname?"

"Lawson" I said, as I wrapped the blood pressure cuff around his arm "Ashley Lawson-"

"Lawson?" he interrupted, his blue eyes widening, I couldn't read the expression on his face.

"Yes, I'm not sure if you'd know me or my husband Irwin Lawson tough" I replied as I inflated the cuff around his arm "We've just moved here for his work. Maybe you went to college with him?"

"You look familiar" he replied, looking at me with hope in his eyes "Do I look familiar?"

"I can't say so" I said as I put the ear pieces of the stethoscope in my ears. Even when I said this, I couldn't deny that he there was something familiar about his eyes, and the butterfly-like feeling in my stomach just confused me, I'd only felt this once; back in the fourth grade when I kissed my best friend TJ Detweiler. I missed him, and thought about him every day. I'd never felt this way with Lawson, but I'm sure i've just eaten something funny, trying to advert my confusion, I continued with a joke "But I've got to say, I don't meet many people with bandages covering their face"

"Oh, of course"

"Well you seem to be all in order" I explained "Breakfast will be along in a while, then I'll be back to help you have a wash"


	3. Chapter 3: A chimp could do what you do

Thank you so much to everyone that reviewed, I really appreciated it!

Before I start, can I ask a big favour? This will literally take 30 seconds of your time.

The local coast guard station where I live, is being closed down, despite all the campaigning of all the local people here. I live in a really popular tourist destination, and so many lives are going to be put at risk with the coast guard station closure, seeing as there isn't another station for 120 miles! So if you could take 30 seconds to sign this petition, that would be great, as this really really is the last resort!

www. ipetitions .com/ petition/save_brixham_coastguard/

Just copy and paste, and delete the 3 spaces, if you do sign, the next page will take you to something to sponsor the website, but just ignore that and click off :) Thank you!

**Chapter 3: ****A chimp could do what you do**

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"That chap, Zack, in bed 1b seems to be rather taken with you" said Jane, as she and Spinelli sat in the staff room, having their lunch break.

"Really?" asked Spinelli curiously, who couldn't shake the image of those oddly familiar, piercing blue eyes from her mind, every time she pictured them, the butterflies returned to her stomach.

"Yes, he was asking after you when I was putting up his IV fluids, he seemed very curious" replied Jane "He has lovely eyes; I bet he's really handsome under those bandages!"

"Jane!" replied Spinelli in shock, ignoring the fact that Jane had voiced what Spinelli herself had been thinking "He's our patient! And you have a boyfriend!"

"I know! But I was only looking; did you see his six pack?"

"JANE!"

"Ok Irwin! I know, he's our patient, and I admit that checking him out may be a little inappropriate! But the guy was pretty fit!" replied Jane, holding up her hands "And there's no harm in looking!"

"Honestly" replied Spinelli rolling her eyes "What would your boyfriend say?"

"James? He wouldn't really care, we always say that you can look, but not touch. I'm sure Lawson doesn't care when you look at other blokes?"

"Actually, he gets kinda jealous" admitted Spinelli, she felt a little surprised by Jane's outlook and surprised by the fact that her boyfriend was honestly ok with her looking at other guys.

"Oh right, I think that would drive me a bit crazy, I love checking out the eye candy that's about, its harmless" said Jane standing up after several moments "I'd better be getting back onto the ward, I've got my lunch time meds to do"

"Me too" replied Spinelli "I need to get Mr Slater ready for surgery"

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><p>"Ok, lastly I just need to measure around your left calf so I can put one of the support stockings on" said Spinelli, after asking TJ the usual routine questions "We're obviously not putting one on your right leg as you're having surgery on it"<p>

"Support stockings?" asked TJ blankly as Spinelli measured around his calf.

"Yes, we put them on before surgery. They're like flight socks, they prevent a deep vein thrombosis by increasing the blood flow" explained Spinelli, opening the bag which contained the stockings "we have to measure to find the right size. Is that all ok?"

"Sure" said TJ, watching as Spinelli unknowingly spoke to her lifelong best friend, wishing more than anything that he could tell her who he really was, did she not sense who he really was?

"This will seem a bit tight and uncomfortable when I'm putting it on, but it'll be ok once it's on properly" said Spinelli, begining to pull the stocking onto his foot.

"What's the time?" asked TJ, looking at the watch on Spinelli's wrist.

"12:45, it won't be all that long until you'll be going down for your surgery replied Spinelli. As Spinelli continued to pull up the stocking, her eyes skimmed over TJ's six pack, and she felt a little flustered. She couldn't deny that she agreed with Jane, he was pretty fit! Looking at the small scar on his chest, she continued curiously "How did you get that scar?"

"Uh" said TJ, this was the scar where he'd been shot by Jimmy's family, he decided that telling part of the truth would be ok "I was shot a few years ago"

"Wow, I'm sorry..." said Spinelli, her mind drifting back to when she heard that TJ had died "What happened?"

"I was at a bank when it was robbed" lied TJ, hating his lame cover story and feeling a little frustrated, how could Spinelli not see what was right in front of her eyes? How could Spinelli not figure out it was him sat in front of her?

"My best friend was shot" said Spinelli her mind drifting back to when she'd found out about TJ's death, there were police everywhere, police vans, police helicopters, ambulances...

"Really?" asked TJ, his spirits lifting a little, maybe she did see it?

"Yeah, it was a long time ago" said Spinelli pulling herself back to the current situation and feeling a little nervous as she realised she was starting to reveal her heart ache to a total stranger.

"What happened?" prompted TJ.

"I don't really know, I was just told he was shot" said Spinelli hurriedly, standing up and begining to hurry away "there, your stocking is all set. You should be going to theatre in an hour or so"

TJ watched as Spinelli hurried away. He didn't see Spinelli again before he went off to surgery, the surgical staff had come to collect him, and Jane had handed over to them.

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><p>"You're late" said Lawson, as Spinelli got into the car. He always picked Spinelli up from work.<p>

"Sorry" said Spinelli, putting on her seat belt "I got held up with a patient"

"You always get held up with a patient" said Lawson, as he began to drive "And I'm always sat here like a mug, waiting for you. You take such advantage, its like I'm a joke to you!"

"WHAT? It's my job Lawson" replied Spinelli irritably "How many times have we had this conversation? If we just got a second car, you wouldn't have to pick me up!"

"And how many times have I told you" snapped Lawson "That we can't afford a second car, and I need this one for work!"

"Well then, I'll just get the bus" snapped Spinelli in return.

"And pay out for bus fare? No. I'll pick you up like I usually do"

"Fine, then stop fucking complaining and acting like this is all my fault!"

"It is your fault!" snarled Lawson "You could just get your ass out here on time for once!"

"What the hell do you think I do? Just sit there drinking tea, checking the time just to make sure I'm late?" replied Spinelli "I'm busy working, busy caring for my patients!"

"_Your patients_? You're a skivvy carer; you wash bums for a living, stop acting like you're so superior. A chimp could do what you do!"

"Bastard!" said Spinelli angrily, slapping Lawson in the face.

"I'M DRIVING YOU STUPID BITCH!" shouted Lawson angrily.

Spinelli sat in an angry silence, balling her hands into tight fists, her finger nails cutting into her palms. Lawson spoke again as they pulled into a parking space outside the run-down block of flats they lived in.

"I'm going out with the guys tonight" he said flatly

"Seriously? Again?"

"Yes. What the hell is it to you? I'm going out with some of the guys from work. It'll be good to get away from my nagging wife."

"Fine, you piss off out then. Go spend the money we don't have getting completely hammered yet again!" snapped Spinelli "Fresh fucking start, that's what you said moving here was, but it's always going to be the same! Soon enough everything will be back to normal and you'll be gone on drinking benders for days at a time!"

"Would you shut up and quit nagging, it's for work!"

"You always have some sort of excuse don't you" snapped Spinelli, as Lawson unlocked their front door.

"I earn the most money, the bills get paid, so it's up to me what I do with that money" replied Lawson, walking into the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of vodka.

"The bills get paid? Bull shit do they! We can barely afford to pay for all our rent and bills, but you go knock yourself out and get totally hammered, because apparently I'm imagining that!" snapped Spinelli, walking into the bedroom and slamming the door.

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So theres chapter 3! I hope you enjoyed it! I had a bit more time today, so I've even managed to correct a few spelling mistakes from the last 2 chapters (I spotted these after they'd been posted)

Burton's Disney Princess: Thanks for the review, I'm glad that you liked seeing Spinelli's perspective of the whole thing! I'm also glad that you loved that Spinelli almost "recognised" TJ's eyes, how could she not? What did you think to the Spinelli/Lawson interactions in this chapter? She really should have told him to stick it in the previous chapter! All the Spinelli/Lawson stuff will be explained throughout the story :) I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Sonnii: chapter 1: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the begining! It really is totally different from my last multi-chapter fic, it was kinda strange to write, but interesting to do something a little different, I'm still not overly confident with this fic though! The Spinelli/Lawson thing is different to what I've done before, but that will be explained! Chapter 2: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter too, and you liked seeing Spinelli's POV! Lol its funny that kelly reminds you of kelly from the x factor, It wasn't my inital intention, she's based on someone I know, but I can see the likelyhood! It is sweet that Spinelli's thought of TJ every day, she defiantly misses him, but will she realise that he isn't dead? Hmmmm? By the way, what did you think to branning week? I thought it was pretty good, but was expected it to be a bit more explosive, it was sad when Lauren went running out to get max though! Did you watch the Eastenders part of children in need? It had me in stiches to see Ian and Masood dressed as women, I was litereally in fits of hysterical laughter! I thought some of the charecters could actually sing pretty well too, christian and roxy were good (then again, the bloke that plays christian did used to be on the west end, and the woman that plays roxy was briefly in a girl bands) but Heather, Whitney and Rose were all pretty good too! The bit where they were all dancing around the cafe looked like so much fun!

Sexehbunneh: Keep reading to find out! I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)

Rose-Aki: Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed Spinelli's POV and found it interesting, I did think both sides of that needed to be seen! I'm glad you liked the bit where Spinelli got butterflies too, its becuase TJ is the only guy for her, even if she doesn't realise who he is yet ...or even that he's alive! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Omgpear: lol I love your name on here, it seems so random, is there a story behind it? Thanks for your review, I'm glad that you liked seeing both POVs of the situation! Keep reading to find out what happens :)

RandallXSpinelli: Thank you :) I gussed you weren't a huge TJ/Spinelli shipper, i can see why you get fed up with the fact that the vast majority of this fics are about them, but I am a total TJ/Spinelli shipper lol –saying that, I like to read other stuff if its well done :) lol I see this as a bit of a challenge, so I hope you do like the direction I take this in, and the chemistry I put between the two of them!

I'm dyslexic, so I'll apologise now for any spelling and grammar mistakes, I've done my best to make sure they're not there!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	4. Chapter 4: Do you miss him?

Thank you so much to those who signed the petition yesterday! What did everyone thing to yesterdays strikes? They bugged me so much! People should be thankful they even have jobs in this climate, and stop whinging! The situations sucks for everyone, because we're in a frickin recession, get over it, and just be happy you have a job! If these people are so worried about their future, they should be putting savings away instead of fussing and losing a day's pay because they they've striked! Christ, there's so much unemployment, and people crying out for jobs, I'm sure they'd take the job, good pension, or not! I know I will when the time comes!

Ok, rant over, the situation just makes me so mad! Its as though people are unable to take responsibility for their own futures!

Thank you so much for the reviews guys, I know it may seem like I'm just saying this, but it really does make my day to get them, especially since I'm not all that confident with this fic!

**Chapter 4: Do you miss him?**

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Spinelli yawned again as she walked into the ward the next morning, ready for yet another shift. Lawson had stumbled in at 3am, waking her up as he'd tripped over a vase in his drunken state. He'd then proceeded to come to bed and vomit everywhere. Spinelli had wound up sleeping on the couch, after Lawson had refused to move, or clean the mess up, instead choosing to sleep in his own vomit. This wasn't the only reason for Spinelli's lack of sleep, today was the ten year anniversary of TJ's _death_.

"Wow Irwin, you look like hell" said Jane sympathetically, handing Spinelli a coffee as they sat down ready for their morning handover.

"I had a bad night sleep last night" said Spinelli, sipping her coffee, hardly listening as Kelly handed over. Kelly had finished handing over, and had left, Spinelli stood up "I'll just get on with the obs like normal"

"What is that on your wrist?" snapped a voice from behind Spinelli, she turned around to see the ward matron glaring at her.

"My watch?" replied Spinelli, feeling a little confused; she had it on to cover her tattoo simply because visible tattoos were questionable on the ward.

"Yes, your watch Ashley" snapped the matron "You DO realise that it is against infection control policy to wear wristwatches"

"Sorry, I forgot" replied Spinelli wearily.

"Well don't let it happen again! As for rings, you are only allowed to wear a plain wedding band so don't even think about starting to wear your engagement ring whilst working" with that, the matron strode away, looking for another member of her staff to nag.

"Fat chance, since I don't actually have one" muttered Spinelli to herself. She was, of course, wearing her wedding ring, but Lawson had never brought her an engagement ring.

After taking the blood pressure and routine observations on the patient in the first bed, she approached TJ.

"Morning Zack" greeted Spinelli, putting on a smile.

"Wow, you almost look as bad as I feel" said TJ, who despite feeling awful after his surgery yesterday, he couldn't help but grin as Spinelli approached him.

"I can ask Jane to bring you some pain relief if you like, but first, can I do your observations?"

"Sure" said TJ, sticking out her arm automatically, as Spinelli reached out, TJ suddenly became aware of something written on her wrist. As he looked at it, he gasped, it wasn't something that had been handwritten, it was in fact a tattoo, reading 'RIP TJ'. He then realised he hasn't seen this yesterday, as her watch had been covering it "Who's TJ?"

"What?" asked Spinelli, freezing as she was about to wrap the cuff around his arm.

"The tattoo on your wrist, it says RIP TJ"

"Oh" said Spinelli sadly "He was my best friend, he died when we were twelve. Today is actually the ten year anniversary of his death"

"What happened?" asked TJ

"Apparently he was killed by a gunshot" said Spinelli "He's the friend I was talking about yesterday"

"Do you miss him?" asked TJ softly, widening his eyes, desperately trying to hint that it was him, underneath the bandages, sat right in front of her.

Spinelli nodded, the soft tone on the stranger in front of her bringing on a wave of grief, and with that, came the overwhelming emotion. Feeling her lip start to shake, and tears pricking her eyes, Spinelli lept up, and ran from the bedside. Running through the ward and into one of the staff toilets, slamming the door behind her as her tears began to flow. All these years on, Spinelli still hated showing her emotions to anyone, let alone such strong feelings in front of someone she didn't know; she had to be professional while she was at work. As Spinelli desperately tried to stop herself crying, the tears only came harder, Spinelli had hoped that she'd be able to get through this day without crying and getting emotional, but it was useless. No matter how strong she was, this was something that surpassed her strength, something that she'd never seemed to get over; how could you get over losing a best friend like TJ?

* * *

><p>Catching her breath, Spinelli unlocked the toilet door, walking across the room and looking at herself in the mirror; her eyes were red and puffy, and her skin blotchy. She continued to stare at herself in the mirror as she wiped her eyes, wandering what had happened to the girl she once used to be, ever since TJ's death, she'd never quite felt herself, it was as though something was missing.<p>

"Get a grip!" she said coldly to her tearful reflection. Drying away her tears one last time, she left the toilets, and headed back to work.

"Sorry about that Zack. I had to uh..." said Spinelli approaching TJ's bed again, her voice trailed off as she wasn't able to come up with an excuse for running away, she continued as though nothing had happened "So I'll just do your obs then?"

TJ stuck out his arm, and watched as Spinelli wrapped the cuff around his arm, and started to take his blood pressure. He could see her red eyes, and blotchy cheeks, and realised that she'd obviously been crying. Seeing the pain that she was obviously feeling was agonising for him, he wanted, more than anything, to tell her the truth, that TJ didn't die, that in fact it was him, and he was sat right before her eyes.

"Sorry, I'm just going to have to do that again" said Spinelli, who'd just finished taking his blood pressure. She inflated the cuff up again, and deflated it again after several long moments "Your blood pressure seems pretty low, and your pulse it a little irregular. From what Jane told me yesterday I think this may still be because of your hyponatremia and hyperkalemia, but I've got to tell her all the same."

After checking again, Spinelli removed the stethoscope from her ears.

"I'll be back in a minute" she said, walking away and returning a few minutes later with Jane, who explained that TJ's observations showed that he was still suffering with hyponatremia and hyperkalemia so he would need more IV fluids, and further monitoring.

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Wow! Chapter 4 already! I hope you enjoyed it! On a random note, don't you just hate it when your body is all "Time to sneeze" you're there for bit, then its like "lol JOKE!" I've been needing to sneeze all day, and this is all by body has been doing!

Sonnii: Thank you! Yes, Lawson is a jerk! Lol gotta love your hate for him! The whole Spinelli/Lawson Spinelli/TJ thing will continue :) Thanks for signing the petition, its crazy, I heard this last attempt on the local news, so signed myself, and thought i'd post it on here and ask others for help too! The eastenders children in need thing is definetly worth the watch, this is link for it: www. youtube .com/watch?v=GvazIC7vsFQ

Omgpear: lol I love your hate for Lawson, you're not alone in wanting him to die! Keep reading to find out what happens when the bandages do come off, will your prediction be right? Lol it did make me giggle!

Rose-Aki: hmm, I think you could be right, but you'll have to keep reading to find out :p it seems that she is opening up, especially considering she's opened up a little more in this chapter, well, kinda... The relationship between Spinelli and Lawson doesn't seem good, theres more to come on that! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

RandallXSpinelli: Thank you! Yes, Lawson and Spinelli are really dysfunctional; there is more on their relationship to come! I will say now, that he didn't force her into the relationship when they got together at all! Have you thought yourself about writing a Spinelli/Randal fic? I've not really read any fics with Spinelli paired with anyone else (are they even around?) I've read a couple of TJ slash fics, with TJ/Vince, and one TJ/Lawson, both of which I really liked, despite the fact that I'm a TJ/Spinelli shipper! I can see your point, that all the fics are TJ/Spinelli high school fics, I do enjoy them though (well most of them, some are just like *ugh, really?*) There may be some english slag or words slipping in here without me really realising, being english, I obviously use them a lot, without realising! I'm guessing you were referring the use of 'chap'? I didnt really realise till after, but it was Jane who used it, so she doesn't nessicerily need to be american, but i don't plan to go too indepth to her character.

Burton's Disney Princess: Yup, Lawson really is a jerk! I'm glad you liked seeing a little of the drama unfold! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for signing my petition! Lol I was thinking again today how funny it was that you realised straight away where I got "Zack" from, the name came to me instantly, I didnt even have to think about it, the surname however did take me a few days, but wound up using a name from a soap character!

I'm dyslexic, so I'll apologise now for any spelling and grammar mistakes, I've done my best to make sure they're not there!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	5. Chapter5:But thats not really true is it

Thank you to everyone who's reviewed, I'm so glad you are enjoying it, here is the next instalment!

**Chapter 5: But that's not really true is it?**

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Spinelli returned to TJ's bedside an hour later.

"You were right about the blood pressure and pulse" said TJ with a grin "Well done; you sure know your stuff!"

"Thanks!" said Spinelli, a grin spreading across her face for a moment, before it faded.

"You're welcome! You seem to really love this sorta thing, have you thought about becoming a nurse?"

"Oh no, I'd be useless! And anyway, we couldn't afford it"

"I think you'd be really very good" said TJ gently.

"Thank you" said Spinelli, smiling again as she felt her heart skip a beat, once again regaining herself, she continued in a mater-of-fact tone "So, are you going to need a hand with washing? that cast on your arm isn't going to make it easy for you, especially when you're not used to it yet"

"Uh, yeah I guess I will" said TJ, he hated the idea of his best friend helping him wash, even if she didn't know who he was. He was just thankful the bandages on his face hid that he was blushing.

"I'll be back soon" said Spinelli, hurrying off, and returning a short while later with a bowl of water "You can do what you can, I'll just give you a hand with whatever you need"

"Ok, Thanks" said TJ, as Spinelli had began washing his back, it surprised him how gentle she really was, she seemed to have changed a lot from that once-aggressive child he knew so well, she continued talking to him in a conversational tone "So Zack, are you engaged, or seeing someone?"

"Me? No, I broke up with a girl a couple of months ago because it didn't really work out"

"Oh really? Well you don't strike me as someone that will stay single for very long" said Spinelli with a smile, feeling a bit on edge as she realised what she'd just said.

"I don't know" said TJ, smiling a little at Spinelli's compliment, and continuing with some information that he hoped would help her realise who he really was "If I'm honest, it's a bit like I gave my heart away a long time ago, to a girl that I loved right throughout my childhood. I don't see her now though. I've had other relationships, but so far, nothing has seemed right."

"That's so sad" replied Spinelli, her heart strings tugging as she thought of how she missed TJ, her feelings were always considerably heightened around the anniversary of his death, this time it was perhaps especially heightened because of the milestone of a decade "I hope you find her, and manage to get together, I bet she'd be pleased to know"

"I hope so too, she was so beautiful, and an amazing person. We could always laugh together, no matter what, I felt like we just had this bond between us. Even though I haven't seen her since I was twelve, I still feel like the bond is there" hinted TJ heavily.

"You haven't seen her since you were twelve?" replied Spinelli.

"No, I haven't" replied TJ, continuing to hint heavily, feeling hopeful that Spinelli just may have noticed the coincidence, and realise the girl he was referring to was her.

"And you still feel that way about her? That's so amazing!" replied Spinelli, feeling amazed that a man was capable of being so romantic and loving "Well whoever she is, I hope you find her"

"Right" replied TJ a little irritably, inwardly screaming, she obviously hadn't realised, but how could she NOT? Surely it was obvious?

"Here we go" said Spinelli handing TJ the cloth she'd been using "I'll be back in a sec, I've got to go get a fresh gown for you to wear"

* * *

><p>"So" said TJ as Spinelli had returned, pushing away his irritability knowing that it wasn't Spinelli's fault that she didn't know who he was, after all, she'd lived 10 years believing he was dead "Tell me about you and your husband, how did you meet? Were you both friends as children?"<p>

"Oh god no!" said Spinelli as she began to help TJ off with his old gown, with all his IV wires this would take considerable time "We hated each other in school, we were pretty much rivals, he was even worse with TJ..." Spinelli fell quite for a moment, before hurriedly continuing "There was this one time he created a group to rival my friends and I, but it wound up failing especially because none of them were as close as me and the gang were"

"It sounds like you have soon good memories from school" said TJ smiling, as he remembered the rivalry between his friends and the 'Lawson crew'

"Yeah, that was when I realised just how much I liked helping people" said Spinelli "We all had our own traits that made us a good group; I think mine was my spirit..." Spinelli's voice trailed away as she again wandered what happened to that spirit she'd once had; she was sure it was there somewhere.

"That makes a lot of sense" said TJ, again smiling "So if you and Lawson hated each other, how did you wind up getting together?"

"How did you know he was called Lawson?" asked Spinelli curiously.

"Oh" said TJ, realising that Spinelli had told him that she was married to someone with the surname Lawson, and there was no logical way for him to know that people referred to Lawson by his surname "I uh, heard you talking to that nurse, Jane" he lied.

"Oh, course" said Spinelli, accepting the explanation "Well we did hate each other at first. We're both really into sport and we went to the same middle school and high school, so we were in all the same school sports clubs. We would always see each other at the sports clubs, or at the gym, and it was a small town so we went to a few out of school sports clubs together as well. We were always rivalling each other, setting challenges and trying to win them; it was actually pretty fun. Anyway, we spent so much time together, that I guess we just wound up getting together"

"That sounds nice" said TJ, who felt sad and jealous, he'd always held a candle for Spinelli, and the fact that she'd gotten married to his 'arch rivel' of all people, killed him; even if it probably shouldn't have.

"I guess, it's just one of those things. I mean I know in the movies it's about crap like rainbows and butterflies, and feeling all fuzzy and loved" said Spinelli "But that's not really true is it?"

"Don't you think so?" asked TJ in surprise.

"No. It's not really like that in real life. You just find someone that doesn't drive you mad, and you get together, because it beats being alone" said Spinelli simply "I mean all that other stuff is a nice idea, but it never really happens"

"Well I think it does" said TJ, who couldn't believe what he was hearing, sure he wasn't a casanova, but he did believe in love –he felt it for the married woman stood right before him "I've loved the girl from my childhood all my life, I feel that way about her, just like they do in the movies, so I know it happens"

"Well I guess you're the lucky ones then" said Spinelli with a shrug, ignoring the jealously of the girl that the man before her was describing "You need to find her, and tell her how you feel, as those sort of feelings, and that sort of connection is rare"

"If only it were that easy" mumbled TJ "and it may be rare, but you love your husband, right?"

"Love?" asked Spinelli raising an eye brow "Love is like Father Christmas, it's something you believe in when your little, then you grow up, and realise it isn't real" she fell silent for a moment, as she and TJ looked at each other, him watching her in sadness, Spinelli meanwhile watching him, feeling confused about the way she was feeling. Then, she suddenly, with a snap, broke their lingering eye contact, reconnected TJ's drip, and gathered the dirty laundry together "Well it looks like your all done. I'll see you later; you have your call bell there if you need anything"

"Ok, see ya" said TJ, watching as Spinelli hurried away, he couldn't help but wonder what the relationship between her and Lawson was really like.

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So there was chapter 5, I hope you enjoyed it, TJ and Spinelli are growing closer, even though Spinelli clearly doesn't want to admit it! What will happen next?

RandallXSpinelli: I find I have trouble getting ideas sometimes, I need to be inspired or something. Even in a fic like that i sometimes found it difficult finding how to draw up to the larger plots, and string those larger plots together, to make one story! The TJ/Lawson fic is pretty good, I think its on the M rated section though, the only bits i'm not keen on, was the level of content in comparison to their young age, but the whole fic was pretty well done despite this! I get what your saying about Spinelli's crying fit, and her not coming to terms with the "death" despite the years. Like you said, no one always acts like you think they will, plus Her emotions were more heightened, based on the fact that it was the ten year anniversary, plus, I think grief like that is something that will always be with you, most of the time you live with it, and now and then it just kinda grabs you. Then again, i've not lost anyone as close as TJ and Spinelli supposedly were in this fic, an uncle and grandfather i've lost, but we weren't mega close. My best friend lost her son, so I can see the emotions in here (admittedly, this was a fairly recent loss!) anyway, I'm going off on a tangent like usual! And Lawson is cheap and dirty for the engagement ring and vomit thing :p

Sexehbunneh: wow! Thank you so much! I;m glad you enjoyed it! I hope you liked this chapter too!

Omgpear: lol I'm still loving the hate you have for Lawson, I'm sure that hate will grow :) he really is gross for sleeping in his own puke! I kinda felt bad for Spinelli writing this, it is a sad situation! I hope you liked this chapter, it was a bit more sad, but with some sweetness!

Rose-Aki: Spinelli definitely deserves better than Lawson, lets hope she realises that soon, and realises who TJ/Zack is! It was a sad chapter, but sweet of TJ to console her, she needed it bless her! And I'm glad you liked Spinelli's tattoo! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Melbelle: wow thank you! That means so much to hear that, especially since I didnt think this fic was that great! I love those fics that you just want to re-read, so its kinda crazy for me to think that my fic is like that for someone else :) I hope you liked the update!

Sonnii: Thanks, I'm glad you liked the chapter, and enjoyed the emotion! Lets hope she does realise who TJ/Zack is soon, and gives Lawson the boot!

I'm dyslexic, so I'll apologise now for any spelling and grammar mistakes, I've done my best to make sure they're not there!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	6. Chapter 6: what is your husband playing

Here we go, chapter 6, enjoy!

**Chapter 6: what is your husband playing at?**

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"Zack Slater needs another set on obs doing" said Jane checking her watch.

"Ok, well I'll go do that now" said Spinelli jumping up from her seat.

"No don't worry, the shift is over, you go, I've got a load of notes to write up anyway. No need for both of us to stay, you seem a little distracted anyway"

"Thanks Jane, Lawson tends to get irritable when I'm out late, he can shut his mouth this time cant he?" said Spinelli rolling her eyes.

"Or you could shut it for him" shrugged Jane "Go on, you get off. See you in the morning Irwin"

"See ya" said Spinelli hurrying away.

Spinelli hurried outside, putting on her jacket as the rain came down heavily. Pulling her thin jacket over her head, she looked around for Lawson's car, but didn't see it, so she hurried inside. After ten minutes of waiting, she dialled has phone number, but there was no answer.

"Useless wanker" muttered Spinelli under her breath, as she was pacing irritably.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later Spinelli was still pacing irritably and dialled Lawson's number yet again.<p>

"What are you still doing here?" Spinelli turned around to see Jane stood behind her, looking surprised.

"Lawson's late, can't get hold of him" shrugged Spinelli.

"Has he called you?" asked Jane.

"No, and his phone just keeps ringing. I dialled the home number, but there was no answer there either"

"I'll give you a lift back if you like? You can't just wait around" said Jane, Spinelli nodded and they both ran together out the doors, to her car; the rain still hammering down.

"Thanks for this Jane" said Spinelli getting into the car.

"Honestly, what is your husband playing at? The weather is awful!"

"He probably just got held up with work" defended Spinelli.

"And he couldn't have called you? I'd be wanting to have a few choice words with him if it were me" replied Jane.

"Oh I will" replied Spinelli irritably "Oh, turn left here"

Jane continued to drive, under Spinelli's direction, until they arrived at her flats.

"This is it" said Spinelli, looking up at her dingy block of flats with much dislike.

"Ok, look, here's my number, you can call me if you ever need a chat" said Jane handing over her mobile number.

"Thanks"

"No worries. I'll see you tomorrow"

* * *

><p>Two hours later, Spinelli was sat on her sofa, tracing the 'RIP TJ' tattoo on her wrist sadly, she couldn't believe TJ had been out of her life for 10 years. She missed TJ so much it hurt, and there was nothing that she wouldn't give to bring him back. To this day, her insides still ached heavily any time she thought of him. Sometimes she could still hear his laugh, or just his voice saying his catchphrase, 'teeeeeeender'. Spinelli smiled as she thought back to the day they'd kissed in the fourth grade, such a sweet, innocent first kiss; she had such a crush on him after that. Spinelli had so many happy memories involving TJ, simple things like water fights, snowball fights and sledding, along with that there were the memories of him such as where he'd stood up for her when she'd called Miss Grotke 'mama'. Spinelli wasn't sure when she'd started crying, but it didn't matter, she missed TJ so much, she drew her knees up to her chest with a sigh.<p>

Her mind began to drift back to the hospital, to a certain person, Zack Slater. She smiled as she thought of his piercing blue eyes, and the butterflies she felt in her stomach. They'd made eye contact a number of times, and each time, if felt as though a lightning bolt ran through her, a charge of feeling an emotion. This made her feel guilty, she was married, she shouldn't be feeling this way when she had a husband, especially when she didn't even have those feelings about her husband.

"Would you leave that disgusting thing alone?" snapped Lawson, who was stood, watching as Spinelli tearfully continued to trace her tattoo. Spinelli jumped in shock, her heart missing a beat for a second time that day. This time however it was for a different reason, not because she had received a compliment, but the shock of someone being in front of her, in what was originally an empty flat.

"Why don't you shut the hell up?" snapped Spinelli "Where the hell were you earlier?"

"I got busy with work. I can't always be at hand to fetch you. Now get up and stop moaping and feeling sorry for yourself. It's pathetic!"

"PATHETIC? IT'S THE TEN YEAR ANNIVERSERY OF MY BEST FRIENDS DEATH!"

"OH, OF COURE, TEN YEARS SINCE DORKWEILER GOT HIMSELF SHOT! LETS ALL SIT AND MOAP AROUND SHALL WE? LIFE MUST STOP BECUASE MY WIFE WANTS TO SIT AROUND CRYING!"

"YOU INSENSTIVE PRICK!" screamed Spinelli angrily "YOU REALLY ARE A USELESS PILE OF CRAP! WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU EARLIER?"

"I'M USELESS? YOU CAN NEVER GET YOUR ASS OUT OF WORK ON TIME, AND I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO THAN TO BE FETCHING YOU! HOPEFULLY YOU'LL LEARN YOUR LESSON, AND GET OUT ON TIME!"

"I WAS OUT ON TIME, YOU WEREN'T THERE!"

"WELL HEY, IT GAVE YOU A GOOD CHANCE TO THINK ABOUT DETWEILER DIDNT IT!"

"HE WAS A DECENT PERSON, SO YES, I WILL THINK OF HIM!"

"DECENT PERSON OR NOT, HE'S DEAD. NO AMOUNT OF THINKING OF HIM WILL BRING HIM BACK!"

"WANKER!" screamed Spinelli furiously, picking up a photo frame from the side and throwing it across the room at her husband, it hit its target, hitting him on the forehead.

"FUCKING BITCH!" shouted Lawson in return, picking up the photo frame and throwing it back at Spinelli, who ducked; the photo frame smashing on the floor behind her.

"DONT THROW THAT AT ME!" shouted Spinelli, storming across the room, and lifting her arm to slap Lawson across the face. He caught this before she made contact with him, forming a tight fist around her wrist, forcefully pushing her arm away, and hitting her in the face with his other fist.

"DON'T YOU TRY AND HIT ME, I'VE GIVE BACK TEN TIMES FUCKING WORSE FOR WHATEVER YOU DO!"

"YOU CAN FUCKING TRY!" screamed Spinelli, kicking him forcefully in the crotch. Lawson bent over, and she kicked him again in the shoulder, knocking him to the ground. "NOW PISS OFF OUT AND GET DRUNK LIKE USUAL! IT'S THE ONLY FUCKING THING YOUR GOOD AT!"

Spinelli began to storm from the room, however, she felt Lawson catch hold of her shoulder, spinning her around quickly. Using all of her body weight, Spinelli punched Lawson in the eye, the force knocking him to the ground. Spinelli fixed Lawson with a hate filled glare, before marching into the bedroom, vibrations were sent through the flat, as she slammed the door forcefully behind her.

"You've locked the door haven't you?" mocked Lawson.

"Yes, but if you want another round you pile of shit, I'm more than willing to unlock it again"

"No, you sit and moap there alone. Why do you call your mother, or your friends? Oh right, of course, you can't! because you don't talk to them anymore do you?"

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As I warned at the start of the story –violence! I hope you guys enjoyed the drama of the chapter! Thanks for reading!

RandallXSpinelli: Thank you :) I;m glad you liked how Spinelli and Lawson got together, I wanted to make it logical. Realistic and believable! And Obviosuly, at the start, it did have to be positive for Spinelli to be with him! I'm pleased your liking the chemistry between TJ and Spinelli, I was expecting you to not really like it, so I'm glad you do :) and I defiantly agree that ideas are the easy part in a story, but writing it iinto a full story is the challenge!

Burton's Disney Princess: chapter 4: Thank you! I;m glad you enjoyed the chapter, and liked Spinelli's tattoo! Like you said, it'd be good for TJ to say who he was, but he cant, and if he did there'd be no story! Chapter 5: It was a sad chapter :( as you can see from this chapter, you were right, he marriage sucks! I'm glad you liked Spinelli and Lawson's reasoning for getting together, it had to be realistic and believable! Hopefully Spinelli will figure out who TJ is soon!

Sexehbunneh: I hope this hasn't literally killed you, so you were able to read this chapter! I hope you enjoyed it, even if the suspense is bugging you :)

Omgpear: Spinelli's situation is sad :( especially since TJ loves her and cant tell her! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Sonnii: Thank you! Lol I'm still loving the hate for Lawson! Hopefully TJ will tell Spinelli soon! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Rose-Aki: Thank you! I;m glad you liked the chapter, and found TJ's love for spinelli sweet! Hopefully Spinelli will realise everything soon! I hope you liked this update!

I'm dyslexic, so I'll apologise now for any spelling and grammar mistakes, I've done my best to make sure they're not there!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	7. Chapter 7: The marks that tell all

To those who asked questions, all will be answered in the next couple of chapters!

The next chapter (chapter 8) is going to be a song chapter (like a song fic, but in one chapter!) I'm also planning on putting it out as a song fic, that stands on its own. The song fic will be totally the same as chapter 8 though, just thought i'd post it, to catch anyone that totally avoids TJ/Spinelli stuff just incase they might like to read :)

**Chapter 7: The marks that tell all**

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Spinelli woke up to her alarm clock buzzing the next morning, the memories of the previous evening instantly flowing back to her. She realised that she'd kept the bedroom door locked all night, so getting up, she crossed the room, unlocked the door and walked out of the bedroom. As Spinelli looked around she realised what a mess the flat was in, a snore alerted her to the fact that Lawson had clearly slept on the sofa. Spinelli approached him slightly, around him were vast amounts of scattered cans of beer, and he was still clutching a bottle of whisky in his hand. The marks from their fight the previous night were apparent on his face; he had a cut on his forehead from the photo frame, and a black eye. Looking at her wrist, Spinelli could see finger-mark-bruises, one of these covering the 'TJ' part of her 'RIP TJ' tattoo. Spinelli signed, she couldn't help but think there was something oddly symbolic about that. Turning her hand over, she could see her cuts and scabs on her knuckles, where she'd hit Lawson the previous night. Knowing that this probably wasn't the only damage, Spinelli walked to the bathroom to survey the damage in the mirror. Sure enough, as she met her reflection, the evidence was there; she also had a heavy black eye.

Spinelli decided against waking Lawson for a lift to work, realising that it would be too late to walk, she called Jane.

"Morning Irwin" she said brightly, answering the phone.

"Morning Jane, sorry to bother you so early, but I was just wandering if I could get a lift to work this morning. Lawson is, uh, ill..."

"Sure, I'll be there in fifteen minutes or so" said Jane

"See you then"

"Bye Irwin"

Spinelli got herself ready quickly, brushing her hair into a high pony tail, and putting her watch on to cover the bruises on her wrist. Spinelli next turned her attentions to her bruised eye, pulling out an old dusty bottle of foundation. Lawson had said he didn't like her wearing makeup, as girls wore make up to get a guy; and she already had him. Spinelli hadn't bothered to argue this matter, as quite frankly, she couldn't care less about wearing makeup; in fact she thought of it as a chore. After a while of trying to cover this bruise –which proved to be a tricky task as the foundation had congealed over time- Spinelli's phone starting ringing.

"It's me" said Jane "I'm outside"

"Ok, I'll be right down" replied Spinelli, hanging up the phone, and giving her reflection a look over. She'd failed in her attempts to hide her black eye completly; however she had, at least, camouflaged it very slightly, so it didn't look quite as bad.

"Morning Irwin, long time no see" said Jane with a smile as Spinelli got into the car, however, her face fell at the sight in front of her, just as Spinelli had suspected, the black eye was obvious.

"I slipped in the shower last night" lied Spinelli, forcing on a fake laugh "It was so funny, people would have paid to see it, or at least shout 'TIMBER'. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw my eye this morning"

"Erm, Ok..." said Jane quietly.

* * *

><p>Picking up the blood pressure cuff robotically after having handover, Spinelli got to work.<p>

"Morning Mr Smith" she said approaching the first man, a new patient, and forcing on a smile "It's time to take your blood pressure"

"Oh no no no!" replied the old man in the bed in front of her, shaking his head "You're not doing that to me missy! My arm nearly popped off last time, and I won't let that happen again"

"Ok then Mr Smith" said Spinelli, rolling her eyes slightly, and writing 'refused' across the observation chart and approaching the next bed "Morning Zack, how's your blood pressure doing?"

TJ opened his mouth, ready to crack a joke about not wanting his arm to pop off, when he saw Spinelli's black eye and his face fell in horror. Spinelli obviously couldn't see his expression, she did, however, clearly see his eyes widen, because she quickly threw her excuse at him.

"This? This is nothing! I'm a clutz, fell over in the shower. What ya gunna do?"

"Right..." said TJ, not believing a word she was saying, they may not have seen each other for ten years, but he could still tell when Spinelli was lying. Plus he'd seen the situation enough with his sister. Still, he knew he couldn't let on to this fact, so he reluctantly let the matter drop "So let's see what my blood pressures doing?"

"Sure" said Spinelli, breathing a sigh of relief, she wasn't sure what it was about those blue eyes, but it almost felt as though he could see her, really see her for who she was, it was as though he could see through her lies.

As Spinelli reached out, and put on the blood pressure cuff, TJ caught sight of her scabbed knuckles, and this added to his suspicions that she was lying, and he felt minusculey better: at least she'd hit him back!

"How come you've got your watch on again?" asked TJ with a smile "Its covering that nice tattoo you have, and wont that matron woman flip her lid?"

Without giving the matter much thought TJ reached out to Spinelli's wrist; wanting to pull the watch up, and show the tattoo. Spinelli, however, saw this and jumped, snatching her hand back quickly.

"I just wanted to see the time. That's all. Don't have the money for one of those that clip in your uniform" replied Spinelli, before placing her hand back where it was before. Again, she looked at the patient before her, his piercing blue eyes, gazing out at her from amongst the bandages, they seemed full of emotion.

"No man should ever lay a finger on a woman" said TJ flatly, as he thought about how the whole situation with Becky had started, and hated that he could as good as see it happening to someone he cared so deeply about.

"No. I agree" said Spinelli feeling uneasy as she was sure this person, that should be a stranger, knew the truth; based on this fact, Spinelli tried to cover the truth further "I'm glad I don't have that worry about that. I would never put up with it anyway"

"Well I'm glad you wouldn't. You seem very nice and you don't deserve that, no woman does"

"And like I said, it's not a worry I have" said Spinelli, feeling irritable with concern being displayed, she'd told him that nothing had happened! Pulling the stethoscope out her ears, she continued flatly "Your blood pressure is low again. I'll tell Jane"

"Ok then" replied TJ, watching as Spinelli marched away, knowing there was nothing he could do to help her.

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Thanks for reading. I've got a few more youtube videos, I seriously recommend you watch them, they've had me in stitches laughing!

Video 1 (just to understand the other two, skip to 1:20 if you get bored!):

www. youtube .com/watch?v=0WjDrQ0IhBw

Video 2: This one is so funny! I feel so evil for laughing at it!

www. youtube .com/watch?v=oh87njiWTmw

Video 3: Probably the funniest of the lot, I laugh every time I watch!

www. youtube .com/watch?v=Ce4ylNTHdro

**If nothing else, just watch video 3, trust me, you wont regret it!**

Omgpear: Yup, Lawson finally got what he deserved! He was a jerk for having no sympathy for Spinelli! The family/friends stuff will be explained. Lol you sounded like Spinelli when you said "Why I oughta" I'm glad you liked the chapter, and hope you enjoyed this one too! Thanks for reading!

RandallXSpinelli: Thanks :) the reasons why Spinelli doesn't talk to her friends will be explained. Lawson really was an ass in the last chapter :) I loved writing it! I;m glad you find the fic enjoyable, and like the way they feel for each other as friends, and as a couple! I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)

Burton's Disney Princess: lol everyone is hating Lawson, but he really is a jerk! It was fun to write his character! It will be explained why she doesn't talk to anyone soon. I hope you enjoyed this update :)

Sonnii: Thank you! You aren't the only one who hates Lawson even more after this chapter, the guy really is a total jerk! At least Spinelli does have Jane! Lawson definitely belongs in the gutter! I liked X factor yesterday, I agree about Gary! He even admitted that he lied about Frankie being good, when he really wasn't! Who do you want to win? I really like little mix and amilea lilly, but I don't think they'll win. Im sure Marcus will win.

I'm dyslexic, so I'll apologise now for any spelling and grammar mistakes, I've done my best to make sure they're not there!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	8. Chapter 8: I love the way you lie

Lol I hope someone managed to watch those videos I posted yesterday, I keep watching the third one now and laughing!

Just to clear up, the reason TJ hasn't told Spinelli who he is, is because he's in the witness relocation programme and therefore he isn't allowed to tell anyone his true identity.

Anyway, here is chapter 8, as I said, its also been posted at a song fic, but its identical to this chapter!

**Chapter 8: I love the way you lie**

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The end of the shift couldn't have come sooner for Spinelli's liking. She accepted Jane's offer for a lift home, she had looked around as they walked to Jane's car, but Lawson wasn't there waiting for her; not that she'd have gone with him if he was.

* * *

><p>"Bye then" called Jane as they arrived at Spinelli and Lawson's flat "and try not to throw yourself over in the shower again, we can't have you looking like a panda can we?"<p>

"I'll try not too!" said Spinelli, once again faking a smile as she waved.

**Just gonna stand there and watch me burn  
>But that's alright because I like the way it hurts<br>Just gonna stand there and hear me cry  
>But that's alright because I love the way you lie<br>I love the way you lie**

Spinelli made her way back into the flat. She opened the front door, to see the flat was clearly empty. Lawson had obviously left in a hurry, Spinelli assumed that he'd probably overslept because of his hangover. As she looked around, the cans, and bottles of vodka and whisky remained on the floor in front of the sofa. Spinelli could already hear Lawson's voice now '_I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened. It'll never happen again. I love you_' she'd heard words along those lines more times than she could count. Every time he'd said this, she wanted so badly to believe it, but as time went on, she'd begun to believe it less and less.

Looking back Spinelli wasn't sure how she'd even managed to get here, the relationship certainly hadn't been like this in the start, and she hadn't woken up one day, in this awful dysfunctional relationship, it had come on slowly. The badness of relationship had crept in so slowly, she hadn't even realised; or perhaps she had, but she was just too proud to admit to the reality of the situation. Because, in reality, the relationship was awful, it was dysfunctional and toxic, Spinelli could see that now; she'd seen it for a while. However in the past she'd always stayed with Lawson because it was easier than the unknown, like Lawson had made it clear last night, she didn't have anyone other than him, as she didn't talk to anyone. TJ, obviously he'd died, and shortly after, the gang all went to middle school. The gang had slowly drifted away from each other, maybe because they no longer had their leader to hold them together, and Spinelli, who was usually 'second in command' didn't have the strength to step in like she usually did. Instead she pretended that she was strong and that she wasn't fazed by the loss of TJ in the slisghtest.

As Spinelli drifted away from the gang, she somehow seemed to slowly drift toward Lawson, maybe because she knew he wouldn't want to keep talking about TJ, and dragging up memories like the gang did. The final wedge was finally driven between Spinelli and the gang, who had also all drifted away from one another, when she married Lawson; all of them had refused to talk to her after this. As for her parents, Spinelli knew they loved her, however, they too disagreed with the marriage, arguing that she was too young, and Lawson wasn't the right man for her. Spinelli, however, partly out of rebellion, partly out of the genuine affection she had for Lawson, and partly out of not wanting to be alone, had a huge row with her parents over this matter. She had argued that she was eighteen so could do what she wanted, and they had told her that she was making the biggest mistake of her life. In response to this, Spinelli had shot back that if they couldn't support her in her choice, then they didn't deserve to be in her life. Immediately after this, she and Lawson had eloped, and she moved to his college to be with him.

Even back then, deep down, Spinelli had known everyone was right, and now that fact couldn't have been truer. It had also been her pride that had made her leave, she'd been too proud to consider the possibility of everyone else being right, now however, she didn't feel so proud. Spinelli had thought it was strong that she was staying in the relationship, not letting it break her and not admitting to the reality of it. However now, she didn't feel strong being with Lawson; she finally realised that to be strong, she might just have to leave Lawson once and for all. Spinelli and Lawson lived their life on lies, lies of how they felt about each other, and lies of how they would never argue and fight each other again.

**I can't tell you what it really is  
>I can only tell you what it feels like<br>And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe  
>I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight<br>As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight  
>High off of love, drunk from my hate,<br>It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate  
>And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me<br>She fucking hates me and I love it.  
>Wait! Where you going?<br>"I'm leaving you"  
>No you ain't. Come back we're running right back.<br>Here we go again  
>It's so insane cause when it's going good, it's going great<br>I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane  
>But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped<br>Who's that dude? I don't even know his name  
>I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again<br>I guess I don't know my own strength  
><strong>

Spinelli began to pack her bags, enough was enough; she'd found her strength. She wasn't going to live a lie anymore, the relationship was all wrong. She didn't know where she planned to go, but anywhere had to be better than here. Spinelli hurried around the room, throwing her things into the two bags laid out on the bed. Finally, after throwing her toiletries into the bags, she zipped them both shut, carrying them with her and placing them down in the kitchen. Climbing on the counter to gain height, Spinelli picked up the pot of 'emergency cash' which was kept on top of the fridge. This was conveniently out of her reach; something Spinelli hadn't even picked up on until this point. Opening the can, Spinelli realised that it was empty and threw it on the floor angrily; knowing Lawson had spent it on alcohol. Spurred on further by this anger, Spinelli jumped down from the kitchen counter, picking up her bags and storming from the flat; the door slammed behind her.

**Just gonna stand there and watch me burn  
>But that's alright because I like the way it hurts<br>Just gonna stand there and hear me cry  
>But that's alright because I love the way you lie<br>I love the way you lie  
>I love the way you lie<br>**  
>Opening the door onto the street, Spinelli walked out, dropping her bags on the floor and deciding where to go. She made to pick up her bags, despite realising she had nowhere to go, when a voice behind her called out.<p>

"ASHLEY!" there was no denying who the voice belonged too, Spinelli turned around to see Lawson running toward her. He skidded to a halt and looked at the two bags at her feet. Lawson then looked to her face, his eyes widening a little "Ashley, look at your face! I did that to you, I'm so, so sorry, I love you! It well never, ever happen agai-"

"Save it Lawson, I've had enough" replied Spinelli flatly, making again to pick up her bags.

"Wait! Where are you going?" replied Lawson, his voice turning cold.

"I'M LEAVING YOU!" screamed Spinelli, picking up her bags, and begining to storm away "YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PILE OF SHIT AND I'VE HAD ENOUGH!"

"NO YOU AINT!" yelled Lawson, his anger exploding yet again "COME BACK!"

"NO!" screamed Spinelli, her anger also exploding as she threw the bags down on the floor "WHAT PART OF _I'M LEAVING YOU,_ DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?"

"Baby" Lawson begged, falling to his knees "Please come back. I love you, it wasn't you baby, it was me, it's all my fault. Please, just come inside; pick up your bags off the sidewalk"

"WHY? BECUASE THIS TIME ITS DIFFERENT?" shouted Spinelli, at the man kneeled before her.

"YES YES IT WILL BE! ASHLEY, BABY, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS, LETS JUST GO INSIDE AND TALK" shouted Lawson, tears falling down his face and he desperately clung to the front of Spinelli's coat.

"Fine. We'll go inside, and we'll talk, but only because I'm not doing this on the street for everyone to watch"

**You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe  
>When you're with 'em<br>You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em  
>Got that warm fuzzy feeling<br>Yeah, them chills you used to get 'em  
>Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em<br>You swore you'd never hit 'em; never do nothing to hurt 'em  
>Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit them<br>You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, hit 'em  
>Throw 'em down, pin 'em<br>So lost in the moments when you're in them  
>It's the rage that took over it controls you both<br>So they say you're best to go your separate ways  
>Guess if they don't know you 'cause today that was yesterday<br>Yesterday is over, it's a different day  
>Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her<br>Next time you show restraint  
>You don't get another chance<br>Life is no Nintendo game  
>But you lied again<br>Now you get to watch her leave out the window  
>Guess that's why they call it window pane<br>**  
>Spinelli dropped her bags just inside the front door, and stormed across the room. She kicked the cans and bottles of alcohol out of the way, before sitting on the sofa stiffly, her arms folded across her chest.<p>

"So?" she said flatly, glaring as Lawson sat down next to her.

"Ashley, baby, please don't leave me, I love you, and you love me."

"No Lawson" reasoned Spinelli "You don't love me, maybe you think you do, but you don't. You just love the idea of me. This fighting, it's unhealthy. I jumped today when one of the patients went to touch my arm, and that's not me; part of the reason I jumped, is because I'm so used to all this shit between us, all the violence"

"No, Ashley, you're wrong, I love you so much, I can barley breath when I'm with you!"

"Are you listening to yourself Lawson? That's not healthy! You say you can barley breathe when you're with me, and this swings both ways, we suffocate each other! I don't have my own space, my own life. Sometimes I feel like we just get so sick of looking at each other"

"I don't get sick of looking at you baby, I love you, you're so fit" said Lawson eyeing up Spinelli's hour-glass figure.

"That's why you got with me in the first place, because I have boobs" said Spinelli with dislike, knowing that Lawson, like the other sex-crazed boys in their school, would openly gawp at her figure; something she hated "but a relationship should be based on more than just physical attraction. Lawson, we hated each other when we grew up, and let's face it, we still hate each other now"

"Baby, I love that, I love that hate. Its raw emotion, raw, fiery passion."

"No"

"Yes, yes it is. There's a fine line between love and hate, and it's easy to confuse those feelings. We love each other, please give me another chance"

"Life isn't a Nintendo game Lawson, you don't get another chance. Yesterday just made me realise how bad this relationship really is, these sort of things, the violence, the arguments, it's become a norm for us. Then you apologise, it's like a broken record playing over and over; I accept and we just fall back into the same routine"

"Please baby, I'm begging you. Yesterday is over, I know we both said and did things that we didn't mean. I laid my hands on you, and I'll never stoop so low again, I guess I just don't know my own strength. But today is a new day and all I know is that I love you too much to walk away, too much too let you walk away"

"And how is today, tomorrow, or any other day going to be different? You always say that this is the last time. I love the way you lie, and tell me everything is going to be ok, and suddenly it seems ok; I still love to hear those lies now because their bizarrely comforting. Those words made me feel like I was strong, for really working at the relationship, and for proving everyone wrong. But frankly I just don't believe you anymore and I don't find them comforting either"

**Just gonna stand there and watch me burn  
>But that's alright because I like the way it hurts<br>Just gonna stand there and hear me cry  
>But that's alright because I love the way you lie<br>I love the way you lie  
>I love the way you lie<br>**  
>"Look, I know how wrong I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm high off of love, and drunk from hate, I know that isn't right; but when I'm in those moments, I get so lost in them, I just get lost in the rage."<p>

"Yes, you are wrong. And that's another thing Lawson, the drinking, I can't remember the last time you went a full day without alcohol, you're always drunk. Ever since you started drinking the violence has got worse! Sometimes you just stand there, and watch me cry. When we moved here after you got fired from your last job for turning up drunk, you said it would be a fresh start, but there's nothing fresh about it, it's all just the same as before!"

"Ash, your temper is just as bad as mine is, you're just the same as me. Sometimes our tempers as so strong that it makes me feel like I'm suffocating so I get drunk and it feels better, and then I can breathe and see clearly. But baby, when it comes to love you're just as blinded, blinded to the fact that you do love me, and I love you. We are both controlled by rage"

"I'm not denying the fact that I'm violent too Lawson, and I know I have a temper, I always have. However, the difference is, as I've grown, I've learned to control that temper, and I'm not the same as you. You show your temper and act violet whenever, where as I have always done it to protect myself, or when you've pushed me right to the edge and i finally just snap. I've never been like this with anyone else before, even when I'm angry; nor would I ever be like this with anyone else in the future. It's this, us, which does it; its toxic."

"I know that baby, but please, please don't leave me; I know this is all me. I promise you, here and now, that next time I get mad I'll show restraint, next time I'm pissed, or angry, and want to throw a punch, I'll aim my fist at the wall. Please Ashley; can't you hear the sincerity in my voice as I'm talking to you?"

"Yes, Lawson I can, and despite everything, this probably is the most sincere you've sounded for a while; probably because you're actually sober for once"

"Yes, I am, and I'll do whatever it takes to keep you. Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems, maybe this is just what happens when a tornado meets a volcano. We're both such strong people, but that strength means we can pull through this. Babe, you have nowhere else to go, so I'm begging you, just give me one last chance, if it doesn't work out, then we'll sort it out then. Please Ashley, I need you, I need that strength and spirit you have; I need you to help me"

**Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean  
>And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine<br>But your temper's just as bad as mine is  
>You're the same as me<br>But when it comes to love you're just as blinded  
>Baby, please come back<br>It wasn't you, baby it was me  
>Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems<br>Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano  
>All I know is I love you too much to walk away though<br>Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk  
>Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk<br>I told you this is my fault  
>Look me in the eyeball<br>Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall  
>Next time. There won't be no next time<br>I apologize even though I know its lies  
>I'm tired of the games I just want her back<br>I know I'm a liar  
>If she ever tries to fucking leave again<br>Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire  
>I'm just gonna<br>**  
>"Fine, one last chance, because deep down, I still care for you; right now, I can't say I know why that is. I guess the thing is, relationships aren't like in the films, you need to work at them, and that's what we'll do, because this is real life. However, if you ever treat me badly again, I'm gone" replied Spinelli, after staring at Lawson for several long moments "I mean it Lawson!"<p>

"Thank you baby, thank you so much. I'm not lying this time, I'm going to change, you believe me don't you? You won't leave me, will you?"

"You'll have to prove it to me Lawson, for now, I'm going to unpack my things" said Spinelli, crossing the room, picking up her bags and walking toward the bedroom; she hoped this time really would be different, Lawson defiantly had seemed sincere.

"Stupid bitch, I'm a liar, If you ever try to fucking leave again, I'm going to tie you to the bed, and this flat on fire." muttered Lawson quietly to himself.

"What?" asked Spinelli turning around to look at her husband.

"I said that I hope you never try to leave again, because I'm not a liar, and I love you" replied Lawson, smiling as Spinelli turned around, and walked into the bedroom to unpack her things; she was staying.

**Just gonna stand there and watch me burn  
>But that's alright because I like the way it hurts<br>Just gonna stand there and hear me cry  
>But that's alright because I love the way you lie<br>I love the way you lie  
>I love the way you lie<strong>

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I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, its explained a bit more into the relationship between Spinelli and Lawson, and also explained why she's not in contact with her friends and family! As you can tell, Lawson is a real jerk, and clearly not going to change, but what will happen?

Omgpear: TJ definetly cares about Spinelli! It would be great if he could tell her, as you said, she'd keep it to herself! Lol you really want Lawson to die don't ya :p It seems you have everything planned out, lol keep reading to see what happens!

Burton's Disney Princess: I'm glad you liked how clued up TJ was about whats really going on with Spinelli and Lawson, and I;m glad you liked seeing his concern! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Rose-Aki: I'm glad you like TJ' sweetness for caring about Spinelli, and he definetly is right, no man should ever lay a finger on a woman! Spinelli definetly deserves better, lets hope she realises that! TJ would treat her Sooooo much better!

Sexehbunneh: chapter 6: I'm so pleased little mix are in the final too, and I'm glad its brought you back to life! Chapter 7: lol as i warned, this fic will have you frustrated! TJ obviously cant tell her who he is, and Spinelli is in this awful toxic relationship, and she needs to get out, lets hope she will!

RandallXSpinelli: Thank you :) I;m glad you liked the emotion from TJ and that you like Spinelli's prespective! Yeah, Lawson has a job, thats why they moved to the new town. I hope you liked this chapter

Sonnii: Thank you :) I'm glad you liked the bit with the bruise and tattoo! Lawson is a jerk for giving her a black eye, and even more of a jerk in this chapter!

I'm dyslexic, so I'll apologise now for any spelling and grammar mistakes, I've done my best to make sure they're not there!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	9. Chapter 9: Who's this dude?

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, the whole idea came to me in the gym, the song was playing, and it was like an epiphany, I had to write that last chapter! Lol i got home and spent hours on it! I hope you're not feeling too frustrated with it, I wanted to explore the psychology, and the manipulation a bit more (as in these relationships, the person doesn't tend to up and leave, and when they do, they are usually right back with the person) obviously this IS a TJ/Spinelli fic, so she WILL leave him at some point!

Sorry Im a bit late in posting, been in A&E with my friend all evening, who thought she may have dislocated her knee cap!

Again my next chapter is a song chapter! For now, enjoy chapter 9, it'll make up for the depressing last chapter a bit!

**Chapter 9: Who's this dude?**

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At work the following morning Spinelli made a start to her usual work routine, the observations, after having handover.

"Morning Mr Smith" said Spinelli gently, approaching the same elderly patient as the previous day.

"Who are you? What are you doing in my house?"

"You are in hospital Mr Smith, I'm Ashle-"

"I CANT HEAR YOU! SPEAK UP!" shouted the old man.

"Mr Smith" said Spinelli in a louder voice "Perhaps you could put your hearing aid in?"

"OH YOU YOUNGINS! SPEAK UP WOULD YOU!"

"PUT YOUR HEARING AID IN!" shouted Spinelli, picking up the hearing aid to show the elderly patient.

"OH NO, I DONT NEED THAT THING! NOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?"

"MR SMITH, YOU ARE IN HOSPITAL, MY NAME IS ASHLEY, AND I'M A-" Spinelli, however, fell silent as Mr Smith ignored her, picking up his oxygen mask, and talking in to it.

"009, this is 008, I need backup, I repeat, I NEED BACK UP" he shouted into the oxygen mask, before lifting it up to his ear for several moments, and then returning the mask to his mouth "009! 009! ARE YOU THERE? CAN. YOU. HEAR. ME?"

Spinelli rolled her eyes slightly, walking away, and approaching Zack Slater's bed. Seeing the obvious grin on his bandaged face, she started to giggle. Moments later the two of them were laughing hysterically as the confused patient in the next bed continued.

"AGENT SANDERS, 009, ARE YOU THERE? CAN YOU HEAR ME? SHE'S DRESSED IN UNIFORM, AND SHE HAS BACK UP, I REPEAT, SHE HAS BACK UP! BACK UP IS IN FORM OF A MAN WITH A BANDAGED FACE" shouted Mr Smith into his oxygen mask. (A/N: lol I just had to put this in, this is a real situation that happened to me a while back, every time I think about it, I just crack up laughing!)

TJ and Spinelli laughed for a while longer, before finally regaining themselves.

"Man, I've not laughed this much for a while" said Spinelli, wiping the tears of laugher with her eyes.

"Well" said TJ with a cheeky grin "If you want to take my blood pressure, I might need to call for backup, I nearly lost my arm last time. Nearly popped right off it did!"

"Well" said Spinelli laughing again "If I promise you that your arm will be safe, will you hold off getting your back up, and let me do your blood pressure?"

"Hmmm..." said TJ, rubbing his chin, his face still in bandages.

"Oh please" said Spinelli, putting on a fake damsel voice, and lifting her hand to her forehead "I just have to know what your blood pressure, and Jane, she'll just die is she doesn't know. Would you be a kind sir, and help a lady out?"

"Well, I hate to see a damsel in distress, so for you, just this once, I'll risk my arm, and won't call for backup" replied TJ, smiling at the beautiful young woman before him.

"Oh kind sir, however will I thank you?" replied Spinelli, fanning her face, still smiling, the fact she was being such an idiot, and someone else was acting along, just amused her "Oh, I just get so flustered with the kindness of a handsome stranger"

"Oh" said TJ, sticking out his arm as Spinelli put on the blood pressure cuff "and if you haven't seen my face, how would you know I'm handsome?"

"Oh, a girl just knows. It's always a handsome man that helps out a damsel"

"Ah, well that's the thing; under all this, I actually make Shrek look handsome. So your theory falls short I'm afraid"

"I doubt that" said Spinelli, glancing down as she was talking TJ's blood pressure.

"Why?" asked TJ.

"Because you have nice eyes" said Spinelli, looking up and staring into TJ's blue eyes, for several moments, they just stared at each other. Then, realising how caught up in the moment she'd gotten, Spinelli quickly broke the eye contact, and removed the blood pressure cuff mentally scolding herself for how she'd just acted and for what she'd said "Your blood pressure is still low, it's getting better though"

"Thanks" said TJ, who could help but smile, he was sure they'd just had a moment, but then he remembered that Spinelli not only didn't know who he really was, but she was married, plus, she now seemed suddenly distant, and on edge "They changed the bandages the other day, got to see the damage"

"Oh?" said Spinelli, looking up again empathetically.

"Yeah, my shoulder really isn't great, But my face doesn't look that scarred, they said it will get better, apparently when the treatment is done, you'll barley be able to recognise it"

"That's really great Zack" said Spinelli with a smile, feeling genuinely happy for him.

"Thanks" replied TJ "That's a nice necklace, is it new?"

"Oh this?" said Spinelli, touching her necklace "Yeah, my husband brought it for me last night, I was so surprised! It didn't cost much, but it's the thought that counts, right?"

"Sure" replied TJ, his bubble burst slightly as he heard Spinelli talking about Lawson with such apparent affection.

* * *

><p>Spinelli and Jane had just finished washing Mr Smith with great difficulty. Spinelli pulled back the curtain that was around the bed, and stepped out, taking a deep breath.<p>

"Phew" she said, fanning her face as she opened the curtain, and threw some rubbish in the bin. She then turned to TJ "Zack, are you ok? You seem a bit down? Are you in pain?"

"What?" asked TJ, looking up, realising that he had obviously been visibly miserable –although he wasn't sure how, considering the expression on his face wasn't visible- TJ realised that he had to cover or the real reason for his upset "Oh no, I'm not in pain. I'm just a bit fed up you know? Been on here for days, and not being out in the fresh air, just gets a bit much, it's a little suffocating"

"Well I could probably take you to sit outside the hospital entrance for a while? It'll have to be a bit later though, and we won't be able to stay out there too long. Also, you'd need to be able to get in a wheelchair, you obviously won't be able to walk yet with the cast, not until the physiotherapists see and assess you"

"That'll be nice" said TJ, who couldn't really care less about getting outside, but did like the prospect of spending some time alone with Spinelli. Hopefully then she would figure out who he was; TJ knew she was married, and that nothing could therefore ever happen, but spending time with her couldn't hurt.

* * *

><p>"Are you comfortable Zack?" asked Spinelli, as TJ had settled himself in the wheelchair.<p>

"Yep"

"Good, let's get outside for a bit then, it actually looked pretty sunny. Matron has only given us 15 minutes though, so make the most of it"

"Where's your necklace?" asked TJ, as Spinelli began pushing the wheelchair through the ward.

"Matron saw it when I was asking about taking you outside, and she had me take it off"

Spinelli set the wheelchair next to a bench, just outside the main entrance, and sat next to TJ.

"Better?" she asked with a smile.

"Much" he replied, "I bet this is nice for you too, that old bloke in the bed next to me seemed to really be putting up a fight with you and Jane"

"Oh he was" replied Spinelli "Jane was soaking, did you see her? He threw the bowl of water we were using all over her!"

"No way"

"Yup! She saw the funny side though"

"I bet he's really pissed at 009 though, for not showing up and all" said TJ smiling.

"I bet he's still using that oxygen mask as a walkie-talkie now!" giggled Spinelli.

"I bet" said TJ, raising his hand to his mouth, starting an impression of the old man "009, where are you? I'm holding them off, threw a bowl of water at one, but I need back up!"

"009, where is my back up? I repeat, WHERE IS MY BACKUP!" impersonated Spinelli, as she and TJ began to hysterically laugh again. They were so busy laughing that they didn't even notice Lawson approaching them.

"Well this is cosy, who is this dude?"Lawson asked.

"Hey Lawson" said Spinelli, standing up and hugging him "What are you doing here?"

"You forgot your lunch, so I thought I'd bring it in for you" he said in a cool tone "I also tapped a rose to the box, I thought it'd be nice"

TJ watched the situation unfold silently, once again, he was thankful for the bandages on his face, as the hid his bitter and jealous expression. He knew he should be happy for Spinelli and Lawson, but seeing them together was tough.

"That's sweet, but I'm allergic to roses, remember?" replied Spinelli, then, noticing the irritability on Lawson face, she carried on "But thanks anyway, it's a nice thought. This is Zack, one of the patients on the ward"

"You always get so close and cosy with your patients do you?"

"We were just laughing" pointed out Spinelli.

"Well Zack" said Lawson, glaring at TJ "You should know you are very lucky to be spending time with my beautiful wife, she's a wonderful woman"

"Yes, she is. She really is very caring" replied TJ, glaring at Lawson through his bandages, hating him more now than he ever did "she cares equally for all the patients on the ward"

"Of course she does. Because she's amazing, and she is my wife, so wouldn't be anything but"

"I'll see you later hun?" replied Spinelli, kissing Lawson's cheek "I've got to get Zack back inside"

"Bye babe" said Lawson, shooting one last glare at TJ before walking away.

"Thanks for that" said Spinelli appreciatively, as she pushed TJ back into the hospital.

"Well you do care for everyone on the ward, and you do it well" replied TJ.

"Thanks" replied Spinelli, who couldn't help but think he was wrong, she defiantly acted differently toward this patient in particular, and although she tried to deny it, she also felt differently about him.

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I hope you liked the chapter, it was a bit cheerier than the last, 'Mr Smith' is based on a man I once came across on one of my placements –obviously with a different name- but I wanted to put him it, because it was just so funny! TJ and Spinelli do seem to be continuing to grow closer, and Lawson, seems to be attempting to make an effort, but has he really changed?

Burton's Disney Princess: Yup, Spinelli should have known Lawson didnt mean a thing, but I didnt want to go with the obvious, her walking out right away as the reality of these situations just isn't like that :s I'm glad you liked how I developed Lawson and Spinelli's relationship, and glad you thought the eloping thing worked, I've pictured her as a rebellious teen, so I can see her doing something like that, in that situation! I'm also glad you found it original :)

Omgpear: Yup, Lawson really is a piece of work! The song does go well with the chapter, as I said I was listening to it in the gym, and the whole chapter idea came into my head, so I went home and wrote it :) lets hope Lawson does burn in the firey pits of hell! I'm glad that you liked how the lyrics were into their speech, it just kinda seemed fitting :)

Sexehbunneh: lol! Well I'll call it revenge,Mwahahaha! in your fic, Im dying for the whole 'ashley' mystery to be explained, and for TJ to remember everything! I hope you liked this chapter a little more

RandallXSpinelli: Thanks :) I'm an Eminem fan too, its not the type of music I usually like, but I've always liked him, now its kinda like my guilty pleasure lol :p Spinelli and Lawson definitely showed some feelings, I think it was needed!

Sonnii: I've not watched eastenders since Thursday, and I Sooooo need to catch up, life has been so hecktic though, I was going to catch up tonight, but wound up in A&E with my friend, who thought she'd dislocated her knee! I'm glad you liked the last chapter and liked the song interpretation, it just seemed to fitting :) lets hope this really is his last chance, as you said Spinelli deserves better than Lawson!

Rose-Aki: Thank you! I;m glad you liked how the song fitted to TJ and Lawson's relationship, I heard it, and knew I had to write it as a chapter!

I'm dyslexic, so I'll apologise now for any spelling and grammar mistakes, I've done my best to make sure they're not there!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	10. Chapter 10: Someone like you

Ok, so here is my second song-chapter, it's a tad depressing :p Its to 'Someone like you' by Adele, I heard the song, and again, thought up the chapter, and decided I wanted to put it into this fic! I obviously don't own the song, Adele does :) Burton's Disney Princess has also done a song fic to the same song, on her shuffling fic which is worth a read!

I'll pre-warn you guys now, I'm going away for the weekend, so I'll update tomorrow, but then wont be able to update untill Monday. I also have the feeling it'll leave you on a bit of a cliff hanger (which I didnt plan, but it lets me live up to my name!)

Anyway, here is the chapter, I'm not actually sure if I like it now, so please bear with the fic if you dislike this chapter!

**Chapter 10: Someone like you**

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**I heard that you're settled down.  
>That you found a girl and you're married now.<br>I heard that your dreams came true.  
>Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.<strong>

**Old friend, why are you so shy?  
>It ain't like you to hold back or hide from the lie.<strong>

TJ lay in bed, he checked the time, and realised that Spinelli would now be in work, and that she would be along soon enough, to take his blood pressure like she did every morning. Time passed slowly when Spinelli wasn't around, TJ had been kidding himself just how much he'd missed her up until this point. She seemed different now, but he often felt that he could see the old Spinelli shining through. One thing that hadn't changed was her beauty, TJ and always found Spinelli attractive, but now she was simply breath taking. TJ heard footsteps, and looked up to see a middle aged woman in pale green, the same uniform and colour as Spinelli wore. Looking at Mr Smith, asleep in the next bed, she bypassed him, and headed straight for TJ.

"Mr Slater? Time to do your obs" she said, sitting next to me "I'm Avril"

"Where's Spi-I mean where's Ashley?" asked TJ, putting out his arm "Is she working today?"

"Young dark haired woman? The new one?" Avril asked, TJ nodded "No, she's not in work, we always work the same area of the ward for continuity for the patients. Its Ashley's day off today"

"Oh" said TJ sadly, he'd gotten used to seeing Spinelli the past few days, and it was strange not seeing her, if he was missing her now, what would it be like when he got discharged from the hospital? This was a thought TJ didn't want to consider right now. Instead he just finished lamely "She never said"

"And why would she say?" asked Avril, looking at TJ in a confused manner "I believe she is a married woman Mr Slater, and also a member of staff"

"Oh, no I wasn't saying-"

"Your observations are improving today" replied Avril, interrupting TJ "How are you managing with washing? Do we help you?"

"Only with my back" said TJ in monotone "I do the rest"

**I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,  
>But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.<br>I hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded,  
>That for me, it isn't over.<strong>

In the background, one of the nurses turned up the radio, and TJ heard the start of someone like you, by Adele. As the words played, he began to think even more of Spinelli.

**Never mind, I'll find someone like you.  
>I wish nothing but the best for you too.<br>Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said:  
>"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"<br>Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah.**

TJ had loved Spinelli for years, he'd given his heart to her a long time ago, she'd always had it. He'd known that from the moment they'd kissed in the fourth grade; even if he didn't show it, or admit it at the time. It was Spinelli, it had always been Spinelli; she was the girl for him. When he'd woken up after everything that had happened with Jimmy, he was devastated, finding out his family were all gone. There was only one person he'd waned at that point, and that was his best friend, Spinelli. It had then been explained to him, that he was entering the witness relocation programme, and that he would, under no circumstance, be able to have contact with Spinelli, or anyone else in his 'past' life. They explained that as far as everyone knew, he too had died. TJ had felt so alone, Spinelli was more than just a friend, she was his everything, his world, someone he'd spent all his time with, not only did he loose his family that day, he lost his best friend.

He'd learned to live with the fact his family had died, he missed them every day of course and life without them had been awful, but he'd at least had the closure of knowing they'd passed on. It was different with Spinelli, there had been no closure, knowing that she was continuing to live her life without him, believing he'd passed on like his family. TJ had imagined what she was doing with her life so many times, he'd even dreamed of their paths crossing, and Spinelli seeing him, and the two of them having this amazing, emotional moment, both realising that they were still in love. TJ had also hoped she was happy, and this was at least true. Spinelli was strong willed, if she didn't care about Lawson, if she wasn't happy with him, she wouldn't have married him. So despite the fact that TJ hated the guy, he was still happy for Spinelli, because she was happy.

**You'd know how the time flies.  
>Only yesterday was the time of our lives.<br>We were born and raised in a summery haze.  
>Bound by the surprise of our glory days.<strong>

Yes, TJ couldn't deny, despite everything, that he really was happy for Spinelli. Sure it was tough to see her with someone else, but he loved her, and love sometimes hurt. TJ loved Spinelli so much that it hurt. He may have been happy for her, happy that she'd found someone else that realised just how amazing she was, of course, realising that wasn't difficult, not in TJ's opinion. The hard thing was that the one person that Spinelli had found to love her, just happened to be his arch rivel, but if he made Spinelli happy, then that was a good thing.

The last thing TJ would have wanted is for Spinelli to be sad, miserable, or lonely. He left her life, and even if it wasn't his own choice to leave her, at least Spinelli had found someone to show her the fun she'd previously described. TJ was happy that she could find someone that could give her what he couldn't. He genuinely wished the best for Spinelli and Lawson, simply because Spinelli was the best. Therefore she deserved nothing more than the best, and the best may not be a former best friend that had been absent from her life for ten years.

However, despite all of these facts, it did kill TJ to see this, to see Spinelli, married to Lawson. This was probably because for Spinelli it, whatever it was between them, it was clearly over, it had been when she'd been told he'd died; but for him it just wasn't.

**I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,  
>But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.<br>I hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded,  
>That for me, it isn't over yet.<strong>

TJ wished that one day, he would find someone like Spinelli, but in reality he knew that would never happen. It would never happen because Spinelli was amazing, and one of a kind, no one he'd met in the previous ten years and measured up to her, and no one ever would. Listening to the words of the song, all about finding someone like the one you loved was tough, what did you do if there was no one like that one amazing person? It killed TJ to know that he'd missed his chance to have that amazing person. He knew he'd never find someone like Spinelli.

**Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.  
>I wish nothing but the best for you too.<br>Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said:  
>"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead", yay.<strong>

Those ten years without Spinelli had been so long, but at the same time, his happy memories of his childhood, almost all of which Spinelli was in, seemed so fresh, just like they'd happened yesterday. Those were the glory days, blissful innocence and happiness, not realising the change of events that lay ahead of them. TJ's feelings were still so strong, it was as though a few days had passed, not a decade.

He only wished that Spinelli would realise who he really was, and that for him, it wasn't over. But, fact was, ten years had passed, and she hadn't even seen his face, so how could he expect her to recognise this? Or realise that he still had feelings for her?

**Nothing compares, no worries or cares.  
>Regret's and mistakes they're memories made.<br>Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?**

As the song drew to a close, the words made TJ realise that he would need to move on. Sure, he loved Spinelli more than life itself, but she was married, she had her own life, so it was time to move on; he knew he probably should have moved on ten years ago. He had no idea how he'd manage to move on, but he'd cross that bridge when it came to it. He didn't have to do that right away, he would make the most of her bittersweetness of seeing Spinelli most days, and spending time with her. Finally, when it was time for him to leave hospital, he would make his own life, accepting the closure of seeing that Spinelli had a new life; she wasn't even Spinelli anymore, she was Ashley Lawson.

**Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.  
>I wish nothing but the best for you too.<br>Don't forget me, I beg, I remembered you said:  
>"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"<strong>

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As I said before, Im not sure now if I like this or not, but I'm posting it nonetheless!

RandallXSpinelli: Lawson does seem to be changing, I guess time will tell if its an act! This chapter obviously gave more of a perspective of how TJ was feeling about Lawson and Spinelli, but we know the guy definetly gets under TJ's skin, even if he is happy for Spinelli! You may not love the first bit of my next chapter, but its the only bit like that in the entire fic!

Omgpear: lol, I'm glad it made your day, I thought it'd be fun, to share the funniness! So you defently don't think Lawson has changed then? I'm glad you liked the connection between TJ and Spinelli! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Burton's Disney Princess: lol, I'm glad you liked Mr Smith, he was funny! I'm glad you liked the cute/fluffyness of the last chapter, but typical of Lawson to ruin it! I hope you enjoyed this one, since you were looking forward too it, as I said, Im not too happy with it now :s

I'm dyslexic, so I'll apologise now for any spelling and grammar mistakes, I've done my best to make sure they're not there!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	11. Chapter 11: Dreams

I'm pleased you guys liked the last chapter, I hope you like this one too! We're now just over half way through the fic!

I wont be updating till Monday now, as I'm away for the weekend! Cant wait!

**Chapter 11: Dreams**

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"_But do you think you would?" asked twelve year old TJ Detweiler, propping himself up on the couch, as he and Spinelli were laying next to each other, their heads at opposite ends of the couch._

"_Do I think I'd what?" asked Spinelli pushing herself up too, looking into TJ's piercing blue eyes as they gleamed curiously beneath his lucky red hat._

"_Have a boyfriend?"_

"_Jeez Teej, you sure know how to put a girl on the spot! I don't know! We're only twelve!" said Spinelli feeling herself blush "What about you? Do you think you'd have a girlfriend?"_

"_Sure, I guess" said TJ "But it wouldn't be just anyone, not someone awful like the Ashleys. Someone pretty, although that's not the most important thing, It would have to be someone cool, someone fun and someone that I was friends with."_

"_Well you don't have many female friends Teej" replied Spinelli, her leg brushing against his as she shifted her weight to better sit herself up._

"_No, I know..." said TJ, with a slightly nervous smile, his voice trailing away "So come on then, your turn! Would you have a boyfriend?"_

"_Mmmm... sure, but only if it was the right guy, definitely not someone like Lawson! If I ever consider dating him, you have my permission to put me in a full nelson until I see sense! No, it would have to be someone I really liked. Like you said, someone that's a friend, someone that I can have a laugh with, and someone that's good looking I guess, but like you said, that's not exactly the most important thing"_

"_Do you think you like anyone in that way then?" asked TJ._

"_Maybe" said Spinelli, again blushing "Do you?"_

"_Maybe" replied TJ with a cheeky grin._

"_Who?" asked Spinelli._

"_I'm not saying, you say first!"_

"_No way Teej, I asked first, so you've got to say first!" replied Spinelli, narrowing her eyes "so go on Detweiler! Dish!"_

"_Ok, ok!" said TJ holding up his hands "well, I'll give you a clue, she's strong, she's pretty, and she's not afraid of anything. Your turn"_

"_Fine" replied Spinelli, her tone a little irritable that it was her turn to dish "He's funny, a real joker, and he's my best friend"_

"_Your best friend?" asked TJ sitting up fully._

"_Yup" said Spinelli sitting up too, she and TJ half a foot apart. They sat and gazed at each other for a moment, both jumping when Mrs Detweiler walked into the room._

"_TJ, dinner is ready in half an hour, you need to go wash up and get ready"_

"_Ok mum, can Spinelli stay?"_

"_No, not tonight, I'm sorry sweetie. Becky has been really upset since everything that happened with Jimmy last week" replied Mrs Detweiler before muttering to herself "I'd do more than hit that rat round the head with the frying pan if I had the chance!"_

"_Man, that whomps"_

"_It's ok" replied Spinelli with a shrug "I'll see you in school tomorrow Teej?"_

"_Sure, bye then Spin"_

"_Bye" said Spinelli walking from the room; she'd almost left when TJ called out._

"_HEY, SPIN, WHO'S YOUR BEST FRIEND?"_

"_You are of course" said Spinelli, walking back to the doorway, and smiling for a moment, before feeling her face flush hot with embarrassment, and running home._

**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP**

Spinelli awoke with a start as her alarm went off, hitting the snooze button, she rolled around and shut her eyes again, considering the dream she'd just had. She felt sad as she realised that she'd dreampt of the last conversation between her and TJ, that evening he had been killed. As she thought more, another dream came back to her, this one, however, wasn't a memory. Spinelli's eyes snapped open as she realised she'd had a sex dream, and it wasn't about Lawson. Straining to think, she felt confused, one moment the person in her dream was an older version of TJ, the next it was Zack, the patient she'd been caring for in hospital.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" Spinelli muttered to herself, rubbing her eyes, and throwing off her duvet, the cold air hitting her "I need some serious help!"

* * *

><p>"So, was that your mum visiting then Zack?" asked Spinelli, as she placed a fresh jug of water on TJ's table.<p>

"Yeah, she normally visits in the evenings, but couldn't make it this evening, so she came now"

"Oh right. You look nothing like her, do you look more like your dad?" asked Spinelli curiously.

"I'm adopted, she's my adoptive mum" explained TJ, feeling there was no harm in disclosing this information.

"Oh, right. I guess that would explain it then" said Spinelli smiling.

Spinelli was unaware of Mr Smith, the confused old man in the next bed, picking up his fresh water jug, until he threw it at her. The jug hit Spinelli's shoulder, soaking her hair and uniform, she let a gasp as the freezing water ran down her back.

"Thank you Mr Smith, very kind of you. I needed a bath anyway" said Spinelli, rolling her eyes slightly as a steady stream of insults came her way from the old man.(A/N: again, this has happened to me! lol!)

"Well, I didn't want to say anything, but you did smell pretty bad" replied TJ laughing.

"You can just shush, unless you want to wear a nice jug of ice cold water too?" replied Spinelli picking up the jug with a grin.

* * *

><p>After drying off a little, Spinelli mopped up with the water with a few towels, talking to TJ as she did so.<p>

"So how are your electrolyte levels doing?"

"My sodium and potassium? Apparently they're getting better, just slowly"

"Oh right, that kinda sucks" replied Spinelli "Well remind me later, I brought you a two litre bottle of cola for you. I read yesterday that it can rebalance your electrolytes, it used to be an old fashioned treatment"

"Thanks, you didn't have to do that" replied TJ.

"Well I read it, and thought of you, you must be fed up of all of the drips, bandages, and casts"

"Yeah, I kinda am. By the way, did anyone mention it to you? I'm having my bandages taken off my face tomorrow, so they'll be off permanently then"

"Really? Well that's great, I bet you're so pleased! It'll be interesting to see what you look like. I bet you looking nothing like Shrek" (A/N: TJ had said in an earlier chapter, jokingly, that he made Shrek look attractive)

"Yeah, it will be interesting" replied TJ knowingly.

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Well there it was, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, I kinda had fun writing the memory! I've left you on a bit of a cliff hanger since TJ gets the bandages off in the next chapter! What will happen when the bandages come off? Will Spinelli recognise him? Or will she still be oblivious?

Sonnii: Hey, your review for chapter 9 came in literally 2 mins after I updated with chapter 10! I'm glad you found Mr smith funny and that he made you lol! And Im glad you liked the scene between TJ and Spinelli, do you think she will recognise TJ once the bandages are off? Lawson is annoying, and probably didnt deserve another chance, but its kinda easy to see that Spinelli would give him another chance, lets hope she doesn't keep giving him chances though ...or maybe he has changed? I;m looking forward to seeing Bianca coming back into eastenders, I've always liked her but apparently, she comes back as Ricky has slept with Mandy! I've still not watched Monday or Tuesday's eastenders, but I saw Afia's uncle telling her that it was really Usef that set the fire! I hate that bloke! He's such a creep!

RandallXSpinelli: I was never sure what job to give Lawson, so never actually wrote a job title in the fic, but its nothing major, some sort of office job.

Omgpear: Yay, thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and found it sweet! It does make you feel sorry for TJ :( lets hope he doesn't give up hope!

Melbelle: Hey, good to see your still reading, I hope you're still enjoying it! If all goes to plan, the last chapter of the fic, will be chapter 20. I'm glad you like the suspense, there not much longer to wait, as TJ's bandages come off in the next chapter, but will Spinelli realise who it is?

Burton's Disney Princess: Yay! Thank you, I so glad! The chapter was a bit sad, I wanted it to fit how sad I find the song! I'm glad you liked that TJ was happy for Spinelli, and thought she deserved the best! No worries about the word about youe fic, I loved your version of the song, so wanted to signpost people that way! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

I'm dyslexic, so I'll apologise now for any spelling and grammar mistakes, I've done my best to make sure they're not there!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	12. Chapter 12: You look like you've seen a

I'm back, had such a fun weekend! The funniest bit was when I got kicked off the go karts for reckless driving (oops!) I tried to go on the next day, but they remembered me and refused my entry!

Anyway, after leaving you on a cliff hanger, I'm finally updating!

**Chapter 12: You look like you've seen a ghost!**

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"Bandages off today then?" asked Spinelli cheerfully, as she had finished taking TJ's blood pressure "and your obs are all normal which is good!"

"Yeah, Jane said that she's going to take these drips off in a while. Apparently my electrolyte levels are almost back to normal too, so that cola must have worked, thanks for that!"

"That's great" replied Spinelli with a smile "I guess when everything has settled down they'll be discharging you to go home then?"

"I guess so" said TJ sadly "Apparently once my obs and electrolytes have been stable for 48 hours, I can be discharged. Mary, my adoptive mum, said she'd be able to look after me when I get back home, because obviously it'll be a struggle on my own"

"Do you live with your mum then?" asked Spinelli curiously.

"No, I moved out when I went to college, and I have my own place now, but until the cast on my shoulder or leg come off, I obviously can't go home alone, since I can't actually use crutches or anything"

"I guess not" replied Spinelli "I better get on with doing the rest of my obs"

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::Spinelli's POV::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Wow, look at that, you can barley even tell anything happened" came Jane's voice from the other side of the curtain.

"It does look pretty good" came TJ's reply, also from the opposite side of the curtain.

Spinelli smiled slightly as she'd heard this, she was washing the patient in the bed opposite, the curtain around them also drawn, but she could still hear the voices drifting across the room.

"There we go, all done. Are you comfy?" asked Spinelli, when the patient nodded, she opened the curtain, almost precisely the same moment as Jane had.

"Looks good doesn't he?" asked Jane cheerfully.

Spinelli simply started for several long moments, opposite her, sat someone who looked very familiar was smiling back at her. Someone with piercing blue eyes, chestnut coloured hair, and a strong jaw line. Spinelli may not have seen TJ's face for ten years, but Zack Slater seemed to hold more than a striking resemblance to TJ Detweiler.

"Hey Spin" he said, still with a smile "figured it out yet?"

"Irwin?" asked Jane, watching Spinelli with concern "Are you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost!"

"Huh? Ghost?" said Spinelli numbly, taking a step forward.

It came on quickly, she left so hot it was as though she were burning up, the heat radiating from her. She felt sick, and dizzy, everything seemed to go a little cloudy and grey. Spinelli felt herself swaying a little as she heard Jane's voice again.

"Are you ok? You look like you're about to-"

Spinelli never heard the end of the sentence, next thing she knew, she was laying on a something soft, her head was pounding and body aching, and she felt incredibly sick. Opening her eyes Spinelli realised that she was on a hospital bed, in the very ward she worked on, looking down she saw she was still wearing her green uniform, which had stuck to her with sweat.

"Ugh, what happened?" asked Spinelli, shifting the oxygen mask that was on her face, she turned her head to see Jane stood watching her.

"You fainted!" exclaimed Jane with surprise "Went down pretty hard too, thankfully you didn't hit your head"

"I remember now!" replied Spinelli "I had the strangest dream when I was out, I dreampt that my best friend TJ, that died when I was twelve, was sat in the bed opposite"

"Strange" replied Jane "I've never fainted, so wouldn't know what it felt like. Zack Slater is pretty worried about you though, he wanted me to ask you if you were ok when you came around"

"Zack Slater?" asked Spinelli, lifting her hand to her head slightly as the nausea began to ease, but her head continued to pound.

"Flipping heck Irwin, I'm begining to think maybe you hit your head after all" chuckled Jane with a smile "You know, Zack Slater, guy with the bandages on his face. I knew he'd be good looking, didn't I say he would be?"

"No way..." muttered Spinelli to herself "It can't be..." ignoring Jane's protests, Spinelli quickly jumped up from the bed, and hurried across to the opposite side of the ward, toward 'Zack Slater's' bed.

Reaching his bed, she stopped and stared, realising that it wasn't a dream, and that Zack Slater did indeed, hold an amazing resemblance to TJ.

"Spinelli, I-"

"Oh my god" berated Spinelli, simply starting in shock, TJ opened his mouth to say something, but Spinelli didn't wait for a response. Instead she hurried away, feeling numb with shock and disbelief.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::TJ's POV::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Jane finally removed the last bandage and handed TJ the mirror, accepting it, he stared in disbelief.

"Wow, look at that, you can barley even tell anything happened" said Jane happily.

"It does look pretty good" agreed TJ, continuing to admire success of the burns treatment he'd had; the bandages from his shoulder were not yet due to be removed.

Jane opened the curtain around the bed, just as Spinelli did the same in the bed opposite.

"Looks good doesn't he?" asked Jane cheerfully.

Spinelli simply started at TJ, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"Hey Spin" said TJ with a smile, happy that Spinelli had finally seen his face, her expression told him that she did indeed recognise him "figured it out yet?"

"Irwin?" asked Jane "Are you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost!"

TJ watched Spinelli with concern, after he'd spoken he noticed that her colour seemed to drain away, leaving her face looking a white-grey colour. TJ could see a few beads of sweat on her face.

"Huh? Ghost?" said Spinelli numbly, taking a step forward, she swayed a little, her eyes going in and out of focus.

"Are you ok? You look like you're about to-"

Before Jane had finished her sentence, Spinelli's eyes rolled back, and she dropped suddenly, landing heavily on the floor, out cold as she'd fainted.

Jane called out to the other staff and hurried over to Spinelli's side, she remained on the floor, not moving. Unable to get out of bed, TJ pushed himself up slightly, watched the situation in shock and worry.

"Is she ok?" asked TJ with concern, however, no one answered him as a few other members of staff had hurried in, quickly getting Spinelli onto a trolley-bed and wheeling her from the room.

"Jane" called TJ again, before she'd left the room "Is Sp-Ashley going to be ok? What happened? Did she faint?"

"It seems that way, we'll check her over"

"Ok, well can you please just ask her if she's ok when she comes round? And can you come and let me know that's she's ok?"

"Sure" said Jane, hurrying off.

TJ sat in bed for ten minutes after Jane left, worrying whether Spinelli was ok, or what she was thinking and feeling. Did she recognise him? And if she did, what was she thinking about it? Was she happy?

TJ looked up to see the very person that had consumed his thoughts, Spinelli was stood in front of him, still looking very pale and clammy. Spinelli stood starting at TJ in shock.

"Spinelli I-" started TJ

"Oh my god" berated Spinelli, continuing to stare in shock, TJ opened his mouth, wanting to talk to her, and explain everything, but before he could even start to speak she'd turned on her heel and hurried away.

TJ sighed feeling frustrated and wandering what to do. He had no idea what was going on in Spinelli's head, she'd thought him dead for the last ten years, and now she'd seen the evidence right in front of her that he wasn't. Now TJ wanted nothing more than to talk through everything with Spinelli.

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There we go, finally Spinelli's seen TJ's face, and knows its him! She was definetly shocked! What will happen next? How will Spinelli react? Will she and TJ finally get to talk?

Sexehbunneh: Chapter 9: Yes, I am kinda mean :p I think I kinda beat your revenge, leaving such a big cliff hanger for a few days! But Im finally posting now :) Chapter 10: Do you need resuscitating! Chapter 11: well here it was, the next chapter! I hope you liked it, the look on Spinelli's face was kinda good when she realised, well more than that since she fainted :p

Sonnii: chapter 10: I'm glad you liked this chapter and found it sweet :) There definitely should be more guys like TJ around! I think its a very emotional song, so its pretty cool you were listening to the song as you were reading the chapter, it means you got the full effect :) chapter 11: Thanks, Im glad you liked the chapter and found Mr Smith funny! I'm glad you liked the dream too, I wanted to have a sweet memory in there, but add in the sad moment as the reader realised that it was their last moments together :s I hope you liked TJ's bandages coming off, she definitely noticed him, and was pretty shocked with the news! I've STILL now coughed up with eastenders, I've watched Monday (last week) but no more than that! Still hating

Omgpear: The bandages are now off! There was the moment you've been waiting for! What did you think? Spinelli recognised him for sure! I had a fun weekend, but didnt forget to come back!

RandalXSpinelli: Well Spinelli definetly knows who TJ is now! I'm glad you found the secene between 12 year old TJ and Spinelli cute! It was kinda sad too! I ddont think the rest of the recess gang will be coming back :s

Burton's Disney Princess: Well she definetly knows now :) Im glad you liked the firsr dream, I wanted it to be sweet, but sad! I really wated to add in the irony of Spinelli saying she never wanted to be with Lawson! Im glad you liked Mr Smith too :) I hope you liked this chapter

Rose-Aki: chapter 9: No worries, Im glad that you liked that Spinelli could laugh, and found the moment between her and TJ sweet! Chapter 10: Im glad you found TJ sweet in this one, lets hope he doesn't give up hope! Chapter 11: Im glad you found the dream sweet! I hope you liked this chapter and Spinelli's reaction!

I'm dyslexic, so I'll apologise now for any spelling and grammar mistakes, I've done my best to make sure they're not there!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	13. Chapter 13: What's your name?

Well here I am, after another cliff hanger, at least this was only a short wait though!

Random question, I've got a ruched dress, left it hung up in the wardrobe for ages I've just got it out (to wear Saturday) and all the folds/ruches have fallen out! Does anyone know how to fix it? :(

**Chapter 13: What's your name?**

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"What's eating you?" asked Lawson later than evening, cracking open another can of beer.

"Nothing, I'm fine" lied Spinelli "and do you want to slow down? That's your third can of beer, and we've only been home an hour!"

"Why don't you just lay off? It's up to me if I want a few cans of beer after a hard day of work, and I don't need you lecturing me about it!" snapped Lawson, drinking the can down in one, and reaching for a fourth can "and if your fine, then you can get a grip, and get your ass in the kitchen and cook our dinner. Maybe, for once, you could actually make something that's edible!"

"Would you shut up?" snapped Spinelli irritably, she'd never been able to cook, no matter how hard she tried, it was useless; everything turned out burnt or undercooked.

"You learn to cook our food, rather than cremating it, and I'll think about it" said Lawson, taking a swig from a vodka bottle.

"I don't need this" snapped Spinelli, grabbing her coat and bag and storming from the flat, slamming the door behind her.

Spinelli stormed through the street, finally arriving at the hospital; she had to settle this once and for all, was the patient she'd been growing attracted to TJ Detweiler, or just Zack Slater, someone that was very much alike to her best friend.

"Spinelli" said TJ with surprise, as she walked to his bed "You came back"

"What's your name?"

"Zack Slater" replied TJ, glancing around at all the patients and hospital staff nervously, he couldn't tell her here "But if you wanted to talk, we can head outside for a bit?"

"Fine, this should be interesting" said Spinelli coolly, walking away and returning moments later with a wheelchair. Spinelli helped TJ into the chair in a frosty silence, not talking to him until she'd pushed him out into the hospital grounds.

"So?" snapped Spinelli folding her arms across her chest.

"My name hasn't always been Zack Slater. I've been hoping you'd realise without me having to tell you directly. I've tried to spell it out for you."

"Are you honestly telling me that you are-"

"TJ Detweiler" interrupted TJ "Yes, I am, that's exactly what I'm telling you Spinelli"

"I'm married, I'm not Spinelli anymore" snapped Spinelli.

"Yes you are, you are Spinelli and you know it. And I'm TJ..."

"No, it's impossible. It has to be, because TJ's..."

"Dead, shot; yes, I know" nodded TJ "I get this must be really hard for you"

"Hard for me? To think that someone I've always called my best friend, someone that I loved, lied to me, making out he was dead. Then ten years later, you just come back with a new name, laughing at me, as I was oblivious of who you really are?"

"I thought if you knew me the hard part would be over" explained TJ "and I never laughed at you Spin, never."

"But I didn't know you" replied Spinelli "Because I've lived the past ten years of my life believing you dead"

"It's not what you think Spin, it really isn't!"

"Oh really? You mean you mean you've not been lying to me, making out that you're someone else? My mistake, I must be confused"

"Look Spin, I get how difficult this must be for you, but if you just let me explain"

"DIFFICULT? TOO RIGHT ITS DIFFICULT!" shouted Spinelli angrily "I GRIEVED FOR YOU! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!"

"I'm sorry, but believe me Spin, I-"

"No, I don't believe you, and do you know why? because if TJ were alive I'd of liked to have thought there were nothing that would have kept him from me, nothing" replied Spinelli, tears pricking her eyes slightly "so it can't be true, because if it is, then it means you didn't care for me like you made out and our life together, and the past 10 years have all been a lie! I feel like I've walked in on a punch-line and missed the joke! How the hell could you do this to me?"

"I didn't want to do it, believe me" replied TJ.

"I listened to them, telling me you'd died, and it broke my heart" replied Spinelli, a tear sliding down her face, before she carried on angrily "I went to your funeral, I cried and said goodbye! I cried for months and months. Hell, it wasn't even months, ten years on, and still I cry!"

"That is the last thing I wanted!" said TJ desperately, as he too felt tears pricking his eyes.

"Really? Do you have any idea how hard it is to live your life believing that someone you love has been wrenched from you with such violence?" replied Spinelli, her resentment and anger still evident "I couldn't get out of my head how scared you must have been! And once you know that can happen to someone you love, it's with you all the time! It can never leave you; it pretty much sets a seal on the rest of your life. It's never has left me Teej; i've lived 10 years like it!"

"Believe me Spin, I know that. My family died in that exact way, so I get how you must have felt, and I feel so guilty for that!"

"But you could have called me"

"And said what? Hi Spin, how's it hanging, oh and by the way, I'm not dead?"

"YES! ANYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN LEAVING ME WITH THE LIE OF THINKING YOU WERE DEAD! HOW THE HELL COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? HOW COULD YOU LIE LIKE THAT?"

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Well I've left you guys on another cliff hanger, mid conversation! I feel a bit mean, but it was the only way I could split it into two chapters! What did you guys think to Spinelli's reaction? Was it what you expected? I'd of loved for her to be thrilled and overjoyed straight away, but I don't think that would have fitted her character very well, or been very realistic! Plus this gives me more to work with!

RandalXSpinelli: Yup, another cliff hanger, and I leave you with a third :p I love leaving them when I can, as i'm evil! TJ's explanation will come more in the next chapter. I'm glad you liked Spinelli's reaction –I wanted to add in a bit of humour with Jane's comments! I hope you liked Spinelli's reaction in this one! I wrote the last response in a rush (as I didnt have much time to update!) I wasn't sure how to bring the gang into this, they do get mentioned briefly in one of the later chapters, along with reasoning as to why they don't get in contact with the gang. I did debate brining them in, but on my last fic, I got comments that it needed more TJ/Spinelli and less of the rest of the gang.

Omgpear: Nope, not the way TJ imagined it would turn out, and its still not going his way, as Spinelli is understandably pretty mad! Poor thing really did have the shock of her life in the last chapter, seeing someone she believed to be dead for the last 10 years! What did you think to her reaction? At least she has gone to talk to TJ even if she is pretty angry!

Sexehbunneh: I ended the chapter there because Im evil, and I've done it again :p I like to live up to the screen name –I'm never as keen on cliff hangers as a reader though :p I did make up for the cliff hanger, by updating the next day though! What did you think to Spinelli's reaction?

VeVe2491: lol! Here we go, I hope you enjoyed the update :)

Burton's Disney Princess: Thank you :) That definetly was a bigger cliff hanger than the last so it would have been able to leave that one! yet another cliff hanger for this chapter :p I hope you liked Spinelli in this chapter too!

I'm dyslexic, so I'll apologise now for any spelling and grammar mistakes, I've done my best to make sure they're not there!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	14. Chapter 14: Do you love him

Hi guys, here is the second half of the pervious chapter, they conversation between TJ and Spinelli continues in this one, so I hope you enjoy it!

On a seprate note, don't you just love it when your friends are acting all pissy with you, but wont actually tell you what is wrong, or what you're supposted to have done? Ugh, !

**Chapter 14: Do you love him**

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"Do you think I wanted to lie to you Spin? Do you think I wanted to leave?" replied TJ, who was equally as upset as Spinelli.

"How tell hell am I supposed to know? I didn't even know that you were alive until today! Come on then, you were saying you wanted to explain! SO EXPLAIN! WHY DID YOU LEAVE?" replied Spinelli, tears of anger sliding down her face.

"Look, I shouldn't be telling you this, but I will. But you've got to promise that you won't tell anyone?"

"Why bother telling me? You didn't see it fit to tell me you were alive for the past ten years, so why should you tell me now?"

"I want to tell you, believe me, please just promise, and then I'll explain everything"

"Fine, I promise."

"I'm in the witness relocation programme" explained TJ.

"What?"

"That night, my parents, and Becky died, and I came so close to dying too. Jimmy, Becky's husband of the time, he's part of a criminal gang, things turned out really badly between him and Becky, and he tried to kill us all to get revenge"

"I remember" nodded Spinelli "Jimmy was violent, but I had no idea he was part of a gang"

"Well he was, it was a revenge killing. I was the only living witness, and if they'd of known that I survived they'd of tried to kill me again, or gone after the people I care about. That's why I was put straight into the witness relocation programme"

"I really had no idea Teej, I'm so sorry to hear that you went through all of that, it must have been awful"

"It was, I wanted nothing more than to call you Spin, I needed you"

"Then why didn't you? Why the hell didn't you call? Didn't you trust me? I wouldn't have told anyone, I'd of been able to keep it quiet!"

"I couldn't take the risk" replied TJ.

"What? You couldn't risk calling your own friend to tell her you weren't dead?" whispered Spinelli, clearly hurt by the whole situation.

"All the decisions had been made for me. They told me that it was too much of a risk and they were right. People like Jimmy, they don't give up, if he and the gang thought we were all dead, they'd of left me alone"

"But once everything had calmed down and the heat was off, you could've let me know then" reasoned Spinelli.

"No, I couldn't, because you'd done your grieving and moved on"

"No, I never stopped grieving for you Teej" said Spinelli shaking her head "never"

"and I realised that, when I met you, why I saw the tattoo and saw how upset you were on the ten year anniversary" replied TJ sadly.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better for the fact that I've spent ten years mourning for someone that never actually died?"

"No, of course it wasn't" pleaded TJ tearfully "It nearly killed me. I was alone, I'd lost my family, and I'd lost my best friend, I had no one in the world. I lived my life, knowing that you thought I was dead, and I missed you. I felt guilty and to think you were going on, living your life without me and not realising truth, has been the worst thing in the world! But you _have_ lived your life and you've lived it without me"

"Do you think that's what I wanted? I never wanted to live without you" said Spinelli shaking her head "and I didn't, not really. I thought you'd died, but I'd always taken you with me, the memories, and the feelings. I never really gave up and moved on, how could I?"

"Do you still have feelings for me?"

"What does it matter if I do or don't? I'm married TJ."

"Are you happy?"

"What does it matter if I'm happy or not? What does it matter if I have feelings for you or not? I'm married TJ! I'm married to Lawson!"

"I know that Spinelli" replied TJ "Do you remember the last day we spent together? Our last conversation? You said if you ever wound up with Lawson, that I could put you into a full nelson until you saw sense. You might have to wait until the casts are off though..."

"Now really isn't the time for joking TJ"

"Sorry, I know it isn't. Do you remember what else we said in that conversation? You said that there was one guy you were interested in, and that he was your best friend, and then you said that I was-"

"I remember. TJ I shouldn't be having this conversation, I'm married"

"Do you love him?"

"I'm taking you back inside, it's getting cold, and I need to get home" said Spinelli hurriedly, getting up quickly, and pushing TJ back into the hospital.

"You don't love him, do you?" replied TJ, as Spinelli returned to the side of his bed.

"I'm not having this conversation, I've had a lot to deal with tonight with all this news. I need to go home and go to sleep"

"Spin" called TJ, but it was useless, Spinelli had hurried away, leaving TJ sat helplessly watched her leave.

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><p>"Good, you're back" said Lawson, as Spinelli walked through the door.<p>

"Yes, but I'm not in the mood for any crap Lawson, I'm tired, I just want to go to bed"

"Good, I was wanted the same thing" slurred Lawson, leering at Spinelli as he stumbled toward her "Let's go you bed, just you and me" as he said this, Lawson pressed himself up against Spinelli, kissing her neck.

"Not tonight, I'm really not in the mood Lawson" said Spinelli, pushing him away as the smell of alcohol from his breath made her feel sick.

"_Not tonight_, that's what I always hear" said Lawson, pointing his finger at her "But a man has _needs_ Ashley. We've not done it for weeks! Come on, you're my wife"

"Well I'm not in the mood! You're drunk" snapped Spinelli, again trying to push Lawson away as he pulled her closer, forcing his body onto her "seriously, just get the hell off of me!"

"But I'm horney! There's only so many times you can tell a man no" replied Lawson, forcing his hands up Spinelli's top.

"I SAID GET OFF OF ME" screamed Spinelli, forcing herself out of his grasp.

"I WANT TO HAVE SEX!" shouted Lawson.

"AND I DONT!" shouted Spinelli in return, Lawson, aimed to punch Spinelli, but stumbled and missed, struggling to regain his balance. Angrily, Spinelli kicked Lawson in the crotch "I said no, I'm not doing anything with you tonight. You disgust me!"

"Fine" replied Lawson, stumbling away "Then I'll just find someone who will, someone who'll give me what I want! Especially since you never put out anyway!

"GO ON THEN! YOU GO DO THAT! PISS OFF!"

"I WILL!" shouted Lawson, storming from the flat and slamming the door.

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So, Spinelli has heard TJ out now but she's still upset about the whole thing, and has a lot to get her head around! What will happen next? As you can see, Lawson is back to his old ways, and being a prick!

RandalXSpinelli: Thank you :) Spinelli is definitely truly angry (and hurt) at TJ! The rest of the gang aren't going to be showing up, but they will be spoken about, since they are a pretty big part of recess (originally i hadn't even planned to bring them into conversation, but not you've mentioned it, it makes sense to at least have them spoken about!) I've noticed that there isn't may episodes of recess just concentrating on the rest of the gang, (there are the odd ones, like they Bonkey episode, and 'operation relocation') i noticed that when trying to write my last fic (as each of the gang had some form of storyline). Anyway, back to this fic, hopefully Spinelli will forgive TJ, but she's still got a lot to get her head around before she can do that!

Omgpear: At least Spinelli has now listened to TJ's explanation, and heard him out, but now she really has a lot to get her head around! Lawson is definitely back to his old self, we'll give him credit, as he lasted maybe a few days? Gotta applaud that effort :p I hope you enjoyed this chapter aswell, im glad you liked the emotions of the characters in the last chapter, and hope you liked the emotions in this one too!

VeVe2491: Thank you :) I know some of my chapters are longer than others (and the last one is pretty short. I'd like them to be longer, but often they just wind up being a certain length because of the way the story works out –on the bright side, the fic lasts longer this way :) I hope you enjoyed the update!

Heatherfeatherz: Thank you :) I'm glad you do! I hope you enjoyed this update!

Burton's Disney Princess: Thank you :) I'm glad you enjoyed it, and glad you found Spinelli's reaction real! Like you said, it would have been nice for her to accept everything right away, but it would have been kinda unrealistic, especially for Spinelli! Hopefully she will finally accept it, but first she's got a lot to get her head around! I hope you liked the update!

Sexehbunneh: It would have been nice for them to get together right away, but there is still time for that! I hope you enjoyed the update!

I'm dyslexic, so I'll apologise now for any spelling and grammar mistakes, I've done my best to make sure they're not there!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	15. Chapter 15: Sick days

A bit of a shorter chapter, sorry about that, but I hope you enjoy it anyway! Sorry for the late update!

On another note, Im thinking that I should just tattoo 'doortmat' or my forehead, people seem to see that word there anyway (yes this is related to my rant yesterday) anyway, i'll shush now! Enjoy the chapter!

**Chapter 15: Sick days**

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Spinelli called in sick for the next two days, not feeling up to going into work. After the conversation with TJ, finding out who he really was, and then getting home to yet another argument with Lawson, Spinelli hadn't slept a wink that night. She ran through the full range of emotions, happiness that TJ was alive, anger and resentment that he'd lied, and sadness that she'd lived ten years believing him dead. She wandered what her life might have been like if the whole incident with TJ's family hadn't happened. In their last conversations they as good as established their mutual attraction to each other, Spinelli was so sure that they were going to take their relationship further, but then she'd been told that TJ had died and she was devastated.

She'd never been able to truly let go of TJ, she had cared for him so deeply. Spinelli had never felt that way about Lawson, not really. Sure, she cared for him when they'd gotten married, but the recent time she'd spent with TJ just made her realise that she didn't feel about Lawson the way she should. Every time she'd made eye contact with TJ, it was as though she'd been hit by a bolt of lightning, a surge of feelings, emotions and attraction. Any time they'd physically touched, even though it was only basic, like his hand on her arm, she felt shivers run down her spine. Spinelli had never realised that feelings like this existed, her heart felt almost light when she was around TJ.

It wasn't just the psychical attraction to him either, it was his personality and the way they got on, it was simply TJ as a person. They'd got along so easily, laughing and joking together; again, this is something that she'd never felt with Lawson.

All of this just made Spinelli's insides ache, they felt like led. Spinelli knew her life would have been so different if TJ hadn't left. But that hadn't happened, TJ had left, and Spinelli had gotten married to Lawson, and now she knew that the whole relationship was one big lie. She didn't love Lawson, she never did, in fact, the only reason she'd drifted to him in the first place was because she wanted to be with someone that wouldn't constantly talk about TJ, so she could ease the pain of her grief. Spinelli felt surprised of how TJ had still managed to have an effect on her life to this date, however indirect it was.

The entire situation just felt hopeless, Spinelli was stuck in a sham marriage, that she didn't want to be in, a marriage where her husband treated her like dirt. It had been two days, and Lawson hadn't returned home, he was back to his old ways, going out on drinking binges for days on end. Spinelli hated Lawson, the feelings of affection she'd once had, had faded away years ago, now she was only with Lawson to fill the void of loneliness. But she'd made him a promise the day she got married, to love him, and him only, and this, and her feelings for TJ, made her feel guilty.

Spinelli still wasn't sure what to do, but first, she needed to talk through the entire situation with TJ, she needed to return to work tomorrow and settle things between them, even if she wasn't sure how the situation would turn out. Spinelli didn't even know for sure how TJ still felt about her, when they'd spoken previously, he had spoken of what she now realised was her. TJ had said how he'd given his heart away to her, and that he'd loved her right throughout his childhood. He'd said that she was an amazing person, and that she was beautiful (this was something Lawson had never said to her, he'd said she was 'hot' or 'sexy' but never beautiful). TJ had also said that there was a bond between the two of them and that he felt it was still there. Did he mean that even now, after everything? And there was still the whole fact that she was married.

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><p>The next morning Spinelli walked into work with Jane, who'd given her a lift; Lawson still hadn't appeared.<p>

Spinelli and Jane sat as Kelly handed over.

"and in bed 1b, is John Smith-"

"But where's T-I mean where's Zack Slater?" asked Spinelli in horror.

"He was discharged home yesterday" snapped Kelly "now if you'd let me get on with handover? In bed 1b, we have John Smith..."

Spinelli barley listed to the handover as Kelly spoke on, and finally walked away after finishing her handover.

"Irwin, are you ok? You seem upset?"

"Oh, no, I'm fine" lied Spinelli, trying to hide the dispare she was feeling. That was it, she'd spent her time pretending to be sick, and in the meantime TJ had gone, and she'd never see him again as she had no way to contact him.

"Yeah, right, and I'm Pamela Andison" replied Jane rolling her eyes "Look, does this have anything to do with Zack Slater? He kept asking after you, and left his number with me, asking you to call"

"Have you still got the number?" asked Spinelli hopefully.

"Yes. Look, forgive me for asking, but is there something between you and Zack?"

"No, just history, I knew him when I was a child" replied Spinelli "I really need to speak to him again"

"Ok" said Jane, tearing a piece of paper from the notebook in her pocket "Well here in his number"

"Thanks" replied Spinelli, slipping it into her pocket.

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So, Spinelli has finally got her head around everything, was ready to see TJ, and talk again, but he's gone! What will happen? Will she call him?

VeVe2491: I think there's a lot of (well deserved) hate for Lawson! He really is a dick, I think he could be a bit of a prick in the show at times too :s TJ, like you said is totally different lets hope Spinelli calls him now she's finally got her head around everything!

Sonnii: Yay, good to see you back, thanks for all the reviews :) chapter 12: Yeah, Spinelli was definitely shocked and hopefully she will leave Lawson! I've watched Monday's eastenders, but thats it so far! Its getting good! Chapter 13: Thank you! I don't blame you for still hating Lawson, he really is a jerk! You can definetly understand how Spinelli is feeling about TJ suddently being back! Chapter 14: lol, your REALLY hating Lawson now then :p he really is an ass! It really didnt take him long to get back to his old ways!lets hope Spinelli finally see's sense!

Sexehbunneh: Well I hope you can withstand the tension long enough, to read this chapter and hang on for the next, I did warn everyone at the start :p

Omgpear: Yay, im glad you enjoyed it! Spinelli did at least let TJ explain, and now she's managed to process everything, only its too late :s Will she get into contact with him? She did avoid TJ's question as to whether she loves Lawson, do you think she does love him? Or does she love TJ? Will she finally face up to everything? My friends still haven't told me what is wrong, but are continuing to be jerks, such fun!

Burton's Disney Princess: Yay! Thank you! Spinelli has finally listened to TJ, become less mad and finally managed to get her head around everything now! Im glad you like Spinelli and Lawson's dysfunctional marriage, it was kinda tricky to write! Lets hope she does leave him, since he's already broken his promise!

RandalXSpinelli: Yup he did, Lawson really is awful! There definitely is a lot of tension between TJ and Spinelli, where do you think the whole thing will go from here? Especially now she's missed her opportunity to talk to him? Lets hope Spinelli and Lawson are finally over!

Melbelle: Yay! Thank you! Im glad your enjoyed the Lawson stuff, even if you do hate him! I hope you enjoyed the update!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	16. Chapter 16: I don't care

This chapter is longer than the last, for once im not actually sure what to say, so enjoy!

**Chapter 16: I don't care**

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Spinelli arrived home, Jane had again given her a lift; Spinelli hadn't even bothered to look for Lawson before leaving work, she knew he wasn't there. Spinelli walked through the front door into the empty flat, it was evident that Lawson hadn't returned home yet, a fact Spinelli was glad of.

Sitting of the sofa, the phone in her hand, Spinelli pulled out TJ's phone number, and started at it, her hands trembling slightly. Ten minutes later, and Spinelli was still numbly starting at the phone number; lost in her own world.

"Come on Spinelli, man up" she muttered to herself, barley registering that she'd referred to herself as Spinelli; something she'd stopped doing soon after she married Lawson.

Spinelli slowly dialled in the number, she was about to press the last digit when she hung up the phone, her nerves again getting the better.

"Come on Spinelli, it's now or never. Just call him, what's the worst that could happen? The longer you leave it, the more chance Lawson might come home" with that spur of determination, Spinelli punched in the phone number, and put the phone to her ear; her heart pounding.

"Hello?"

"Teej?" asked Spinelli, her voice trembling as she wandering whether TJ could hear her heart beat, which seemed to be thumping loudly in her ears.

"Spinelli, you called!" replied TJ in suprise.

"Yeah, we need to talk, but not over the phone" replied Spinelli, her pounding heart seeming to settle down a little.

"Sure, when?" replied TJ "now?"

"Sure, if you can?"

"Course, but you'll have to come here, the address is 125 Meadows Avenue, the number four bus passes right by it"

"Ok, I'm on my way now" replied Spinelli, hanging up the phone, relieved of how easy the whole conversation was.

She hurried into the bedroom, taking off her work uniform and throwing it in the laundry bin. Spinelli pulled on a pair of jeans, a red tank top, and black zippy jacket. Pulling her hair out from her ponytail she brushed through her hair, finally letting it fall down around her face. Finally Spinelli slipped on a pair of red flat shoes, picked up her bag and hurried out the door.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later, Spinelli stepped off the bus, and was walking up the footpath of 125 Meadows Avenue, she could feel her heart begining to pound again as she knocked on the door.<p>

Those brief moments seemed to stretch out into eternity, as she could hear and feel nothing put her heart beat. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the door opened, and TJ was in front of her, still sat in a wheelchair and smiling.

"Hey Spin" he said with a grin, his eyes gleaming happily.

It had hit her, like a tonne of bricks from the moment he'd opened the door and smiled. Spinelli's heart skipped a beat, and all she could feel were the butterflies in her stomach; there was no denying how TJ made her feel.

"H-hey" replied Spinelli, smiling nervously.

"Come in" replied TJ, moving slightly so Spinelli could step inside, once she was inside, TJ made his was toward the sofa, and Spinelli followed him, sitting down and smiling nervously again "Firstly Spin, you can only call me TJ when there's no one else around, otherwise call me Zack"

"Is that wired?" asked Spinelli, now she was here, she wasn't actually sure exactly what she wanted to say.

"What, being called Zack?" replied TJ, seeing Spinelli nod, he continued "Yeah, it was at first, people would call the name Zack, and I just wouldn't realise they were calling me. But I've gotten used to it after ten years, although yeah, I guess it still is a little strange"

"I spent ten years thinking you were dead TJ" replied Spinelli reaching out and touching his hand, as though to confirm it were really him sat in front of her; her nerves seemed to ease as she did this.

"I know Spinelli, and believe me, it nearly killed me knowing that" replied TJ, gripping Spinelli's hand "I wanted nothing more to tell you the truth, and I'm so sorry that I couldn't"

"No, I understand I understand that you couldn't; I was angry at the situation, not at you. I just wish I could have been there, I hate to think that you had to deal with the fact you'd lost your family, you were taken away from everything you knew, and you were all alone" replied Spinelli.

"And back then, you were the only person I wanted to see Spin. I wanted and needed to see you more than anything. That's something that hasn't gone away over the last ten years, every day I've thought about you, missed you, and wanted to see you"

"Man, this is such a mess" replied Spinelli heavily.

"I know" replied "What has Lawson said? Did you say anything?"

"No" replied Spinelli "I haven't told him a thing, I haven't even seen him since the day I found out that you were, well, you. He used to go on these huge drinking benders that would last days at a time, no doubt that's where he is now"

"Why do you put up with that? You don't deserve it!" snapped TJ clearly frustrated with the situation, he heaved a sigh and continued "Sorry, it's not my place to judge"

"No, it is, your my friend right?" replied Spinelli "I guess I'm still with him, because it beats the loneliness of being on my own. We grew closer after I thought you'd been killed, I found it easier to be around someone that didn't want to constantly talk about you; it hurt too much to constantly be reminded that you weren't there anyone, not that I ever forgot that fact. Anyway, I guess we just got close, and when he proposed, I'd pretty much drifted away from all my other friends, so I saw the opportunity to have the security of someone always being there, and took it. Since then it's just been easier to stay with him, it's not like I'd of had anywhere to go if I'd of left him. Don't get me wrong those, back when we first got together, and even when we got married, I did really care for him"

"I probably shouldn't ask this, but I'm going to anyway. Do you love him?"

"No, that's something I know for sure. I think maybe at the start, when we were dating, and when we first got married, maybe I did love him. But not in the right way, not the way I should, I loved him more as a friend or brother"

"Where does that leave us?" asked TJ

"Us? What do you mean? You are single, and have your choice of all the women in the world. Meanwhile I'm stuck in a sham marriage with a guy I don't love, who thinks it's more than acceptable to treat me like shit."

"What if, out of all these hypothetical women that you're talking about, there's still only one woman that I want?" replied TJ, gazing at Spinelli.

"You can't be serious? I mean what the hell are my perspectives now? Being divorced at twenty-two, with no money, and no career? Yeah, that's just rosy, real appealing"

"Is that what you want? To leave Lawson and get a divorce?"

"Yes, if nothing else, all of this has made me realise that my relationship with Lawson is just twisted, and screwed up. I really don't want to be part of that anymore, even if that means being alone and divorced"

"What if I don't care? What if I don't care that your divorced, or don't have any money? And as for the career, why don't you do the training to become a nurse, you know you want too"

"Well you should care TJ, you deserve better than some idiot that made a total tit of herself by getting married, and then getting a divorce four years later? And my nursing training? Yeah right, what am I supposed to do? Just apply?"

"Well I don't care. Spinelli there is no better than you. Why you can't see it is beyond me, it's probably because you're so used to that piece of scum treating you like shit. You are the best there is Spinelli!" replied TJ sincerely "and to answer your question, yes, you should just apply. You could get a loan to pay for it, it may not be easy, but I know it's what you want, and you'll make an amazing nurse"

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Again, Im not overly keen on this chapter, but that may be because I've just been drawing the suspense for so long, and the suspense was the best bit to write :p

RandalXSpinelli: Well at least Spinelli has finally realised that she doesn't love Lawson, and seems to have finally accepted her feelings for TJ! I might try to include a bit of "Zack Slaters" life, but it wont be huge amounts

Omgpear: So, although Spinelli nearly chickened out, she actually did it! She and TJ are now taking, so do you think she's finally admit her feelings, and be able to move on from Lawson, now she's accepted that the relationship with him is a sham? Lol, I love your idea of taking to the table like it is my friend, that seems very tempting!

Sexehbunneh: Glad to see your holding on there, was it worth it?

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	17. Chapter 17: Decisions

Sorry for the delay in getting this up, I thought I'd have opportunity, but it didnt happen! I wasn't happy with this so I had a lot of editing to do untill I could finally update! There really isn't much left to the story now three chapters (maybe four, it depends how my editing goes as the ending sucks at the moment)

Anyway, here's chapter 17! Enjoy!

**Chapter 17: Decisions**

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"If only it were that easy to just get a loan and start my training" replied Spinelli with a sigh "I have no money, everything is in Lawson's name, the flat, the car, and we have a joint bank account; not there's any money in there"

"Well move in with me then, I've got a spare room which is just sitting empty" shrugged TJ "You've got a job, so you'll be able to pay your way ok"

"You have a two bedroom flat to yourself?"

"Actually it's a small house, but yes, I do"

"Flipping heck, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a social worker" replied TJ "Well kinda, I've literally just finished college, and I'd only been doing the job for a few weeks"

"Wow!" replied Spinelli with surprise "That's amazing"

"Maybe not, I was in the job for a month before the accident, and now I'm obviously signed off from work until I'm better. Getting the job was fairly lucky too, I had was placed with a social work team to get some experience while I was in college. Anyway, just as I was about to graduate a job there just happened to come up, so they offered it to me. Nothing amazing about that"

"They wouldn't have offered you the job if they didn't think you were good" reasoned Spinelli "and I couldn't imagine anyone who would make a better social worker than you"

"Hmm, maybe" shrugged TJ after a few moments silence he continued "So how about it?"

"How about what?"

"Moving into my spare room" replied TJ "I know you well enough to know you'll insist on paying your way, and honestly I could do with the help with the mortgage and bills" replied TJ "I really like you Spinelli, and if you don't want to be with me, that's fine. Believe me, I completely understand, I've been out of your life for ten years, and you are about to go through a divorce. But even if you don't want to be with me, we can still be friends, and if you want too, you can still move into my place"

"You honestly want me to move in?"

"If you want to Spin, it's your choice"

"Ok, well if your serious, then ok, I'll move in But everything will be split fifty, fifty; this time I'm going to have my independence" replied Spinelli, barley daring to believe her luck, she debated for a moment whether to say what was on her mind, seeing no reason not to, she continued "Oh, and I do like you, I really like you. I've had feelings from the moment I saw you again, even before I realised who you were. But the thing is Teej, although I want to be with you, I'm not ready to dive straight into something really serious, as I'm just about to come out of an awful marriage. If anything did happen between us, we'd have to take it slowly; but I just don't know if I can really expect you to wait around until I'm ready to take each step?"

"I'll wait as long as it takes, as I said, you're more than worth it" replied TJ, getting over to the couch with a small struggle and sitting next to Spinelli "I'll wait as long as it takes; I've already waited ten years haven't I?"

"Really? You'd really be prepared to do that?"

"Always with the questioning and disbelief! Yes Spinelli, I'll do whatever it takes, and wait for as long as you need, because it'll all be worth it to be with you"

Spinelli simply smiled, still in slight disbelief, as she looked at TJ. For a moment, they just gazed at each other, then, in unison, they leant toward each other, their lips meeting in a soft kiss. Spinelli felt shivers run down her back, her heart, and entire body felt light, as they shared a short but sweet kiss. This just reminded Spinelli just how right being with TJ was, and how wrong everything had been with Lawson.

"You really are so beautiful" said TJ gently, stroking her cheek affectionately. Spinelli smiled, kissing TJ briefly, at a loss for anything to say.

TJ lifted his arm –the one which didn't have a shoulder cast on- and put it around Spinelli, pulling her closer. They sat together in a comfortable silence, neither needing to say anything as they just enjoyed each other's company; something both had missed in the past ten years.

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><p>They must have fallen asleep, as next thing Spinelli knew, she was jumping awake after having a nightmare. Opening her eyes, she realised that she wasn't in her flat, looking next to her, TJ was sat with her, begining to stir from his sleep; Spinelli could barley believe that the whole situation from the previous evening wasn't a dream.<p>

"Spin, what's the time? You're going to be late for work!" said TJ in mind panic.

"Day off today"

"Do you still want to leave Lawson?" asked TJ "Because if you do, we could go over there and get your stuff in a while?"

"Definitely" replied Spinelli "And you're, I should go around and collect my stuff in a bit, but you don't have to come"

"Are you kidding? I'm definitely coming with you, you can't do that on your own" replied TJ.

"Ok, well only if you're sure? Thankfully my flat is on the bottom floor and there's no steps, so you shouldn't have any trouble" replied Spinelli "Plus Lawson has work now, so we won't have to worry about seeing him, not that I expect him to be back anyway"

* * *

><p>Two hours later, Spinelli and TJ arrived back at the flat.<p>

"Well, this is it" said Spinelli glumly, pushing TJ inside, and to her front door, digging her keys from her bag.

"Man Spin, this is where you live?" replied TJ slightly sympathetically "I'm so glad you are going to be out of this place"

"Yeah, me too" replied Spinelli pushing TJ into the flat, and kicking the door closed behind them.

"Ok, well I'll start in the-" said Spinelli, starting to push TJ across the flat, but she stopped dead as Lawson stumbled into the room. His eyes were bloodshot, and he couldn't stand without swaying; despite the distance between them Spinelli and TJ could smell the alcohol.

"Ooose this?" Lawson slurred "Where've you been? You've been out all night" (A/N: Just imagine slurring!)

"This is my friend Zack" replied Spinelli simply "You are a joke and you repulse me. Its over Lawson, I gave you one last chance, and you've blown that"

"No, no you love me, you aren't going to leave me" replied Lawson, trying to take a step forward and stumbling, catching his balance again.

"No, I don't. I _am_ leaving you Lawson; the other night just wasn't on. I told you, if you were violent one more time, I'd leave you, and that's what I'm doing. Not only did you try to hit me, but you also tried to force me to have sex with you. Did you honestly think I was going to stay around and put up with that?"

"What?" replied TJ in a horrified fury, Spinelli hadn't mentioned any of this to him, although adamantly, he'd figured there was violence; he only wished he didn't have the casts on, so he could kick Lawson's ass.

"Yes, and you will; you may be leaving right now, but you'll be back" replied Lawson, his voice slurring as he stayed on the spot, his eyes going in and out of focus slightly as she tried to fix Spinelli with a stare "You don't have anyone, no friends, no family, and guess what? No TJ! The guy is dead! You're the repulsive one; no guy will ever want you. Never."

"No Lawson. I won't be back, you know why? Because I HATE you, I really, really fucking hate you" replied Spinelli "And do you know what else? I don't care if no one will ever want me, because even if I were alone for the rest of my life, it would beat being with you; because being with you is pure hell. Oh, and yes, TJ may be dead, but I'll live with that too"

"NO!" shouted Lawson, attempted to run at Spinelli, but falling over.

"Yes. I want a divorce" said Spinelli simply, ignoring Lawson as she walked right past him with TJ, and into the bedroom packing her belongings.

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Wow! Well an eventful chapter to make up for the delay! Spinelli is still adamant she wants a divorce, and she is moving in with TJ! How will Lawson react now Spinelli has come to collect her things, and told him she wants a divorce?

Sonnii: Ch 15: Yup! She did call TJ and sort everything out, just look how things have progressed now –she's planning on filing for a divorce :) lol I've still not caught up with eastenders, I think i've got thursday and Friday to watch, so not too bad now! I got to the point where Zanab hit Yusef, and he hit her back and threatened her! Ch16: Thank you :) TJ really is sweet, and he's still being just as sweet bless him! Spinelli definitely deserves better than Lawson and now she's leaving him, and filing for divorce!

Sexehbunneh: I know I've already said this, but I'm so happy for you! I hope its still going well? Oh and I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)

Omgpear: Yup, Spinelli has finally admitted her feelings :) Things are going well between her and TJ, the only problem is Lawson :p but with Spinelli wanting a divorce hopefully he wont be a problem either!

RandalXSpinelli: Thank you! I hope you still enjoyed my interpretations of TJ and Spinelli in this chapter, I wanted to try and keep her strong!

Burton's Disney Princess: Ch 15: Yup, Lawson is kinda scummy for still being gone! Ch 16: Yay! Thank you! I'm glad you did :) They've finally spoken, Spinelli has her head around everything, and now, she's finally going to divorce Lawson, because like TJ said, she doesn't deserve the way he treated her! I hope you enjoyed the update!

VeVe2491: hmm, will there be some drama? I'm sure the next few chapters will answer that question! :) Lets hope TJ and Spinelli do run away together, without Lawson going after them! Lol although you are right, a good opportunity for a sequal! I hope you liked the update!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	18. Chapter 18: Do you smell that?

Man did I have an eventful evening yesterday! My friend updated on her facebook about a huge hotel fire, so, being the classy person I am, I went down to watch and recorded it!

There were like 80 fire men there, from 7 different crews, 100% of the building was damaged, and the roof collapsed! There were still fire crews there this morning, and even now the road infront is closed to traffic and pedestrians as they think it may collapse!

This fire happened literally 1 year and 1 day after a fire of another hotel which was right by it!

Here is my video, it zooms in and out, ignore the comments of me and my friend, we didnt think about the fact that our voices would also be recorded!

www .youtube .com/watch?v=ZTGrO5CIGqE&context=

Then here if the news story about it, I got there before the film crews so when I recorded the fire was a lot worse!

www .bbc .co .uk/news/uk-england-devon-16260805

Ok, so you probably aren't interested, but I thought I'd share anyway! You aren't reading this to hear about the fire I saw, so here is chapter 18! I've still not edited the last few chapters, but the last one SHOULD be chapter 20, so not much left :( on the bright side, I think some of you in particular will like this chapter!

**Chapter 18: Do you smell that?**

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TJ and Spinelli had been packing her bags for ten minutes and were nearly done.

"Hey Spin? Do you smell that?" asked TJ a little worriedly.

"What?" asked Spinelli, pausing to sniff "Oh my god. There's no way... it can't be, because that smells like-"

"-smoke" finished TJ.

Opening the bedroom door, Spinelli gasped in shock, as thick black smoke poured into the room, and the heat hit her. Now the door was open, TJ and Spinelli could hear the crackling of fire, the living room was lit up with a flickering orange.

"We need to get out of here" said Spinelli in horror, throwing her unpacked bags onto TJ's lap, and pushing him from the room.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" said Lawson, stumbling toward her, a bottle of vodka in one hand, in the other he had a petrol can and a long line of rope hung over his arm. Seeing Spinelli looking at the petrol can, Lawson lifted it up slightly, the contents splashing around inside "This? Best thing I've ever brought, I knew it would come in useful! This here is second one, I've used to first around this place already!"

"Lawson, don't be stupid, people will die" snapped Spinelli in horror.

"PRESISLEY!" shouted Lawson dropping the can and rope, and lunging at Spinelli. They hit the ground heavily, Lawson immediately hit Spinelli around the head with the bottle in his hand, it smashed, and Spinelli felt a burning pain as the alcohol ran into the cuts formed by the glass. Spinelli punched Lawson in the nose, forcing him off of her and sitting up, she could feel blood trickling down her face.

"SPIN! WE NEED TO GET OUT, NOW!" shouted TJ, pointing at the fire, which had trailed up to the second, full, petrol can.

"Lawson, get up" said Spinelli, trying to pull him up, Lawson, however, pushed her away, and knocking her to the ground again.

"PISS OFF YOU DIRTY SKANK!" shouted Lawson.

"SERIOUSLY SPINELLI, WE NEED TO GET OUT, NOW!" shouted TJ in a panic, the flames now begining to lick the petrol can.

"LAWSON, JUST GET YOURSELF OUT!" screamed Spinelli, not pausing to pick him up again with the impending danger.

Instead, Spinelli grabbed hold of TJ's wheelchair, sprinting as fast as she could, as she pushed him. They'd just made it through the main door, and onto the street, when there was an explosion; the force of which knocked Spinelli to the ground.

"Are you ok?" TJ and Spinelli asked each other at the same time.

"Fine" they both responded in unison.

Standing up Spinelli pulled out her phone, calling the fire brigade and an ambulance. When she hung up the phone, she tried to look through the door, part of her wanted to run back into Lawson but the flames were just too intense.

"Do you think he's ok?" asked TJ, who was also looking inside.

"I don't know" replied Spinelli, as she ran through a mixture of emotions, she felt relieved that she and TJ were ok, angry at Lawson for what he'd done, but worried at the same time, for both everyone inside the flats as well as Lawson. She may hate him, but it didn't mean she wanted him to die, or be seriously injured.

Minutes later, and the fire brigade and ambulances had arrived, blocking off the entrance around the flats. Spinelli and TJ were taken aside by paramedics; both were absolutely fine, baring the cut on Spinelli's face, which the paramedics were currently cleaning up.

"Hey Spin, look" said TJ pointing, looking up, they could see other people from the block of flats, being led out by the firemen.

Ten minutes later, and everyone from all the other flats had been escorted out, everyone unharmed.

"Where's Lawson?" asked Spinelli a little worriedly, as he hadn't been brought out from the flat yet; things didn't seem good.

Both Spinelli and TJ had been given the ok to be able to go home, and were told that they didn't need to head into hospital. However they stood, behind the police tape, watching the scene, after a while longer. A few minutes later and a stretcher was brought out, a zipped up body bag on it; one of the police officers that had arrived at the scene approached Spinelli.

"It's him, isn't it?" asked Spinelli

"Yes Ma'am, we expect so, and we are so sorry, but we're going to need you to go to the hospital to identify the body" he replied.

"Fine" replied Spinelli with a nod "when do I need to go?"

"Preferably tomorrow, just give this number a call before you do so" replied the police officer, handing Spinelli a contact card "Also, if you could pop into the police station and give your statements at some point that would be great; neither of you are suspects so you can give these voluntarily in your own time"

"Thank you" replied TJ, the police officer nodded and walked away.

"Come on then, let's get back" said Spinelli, taking off the breaks of TJ's wheelchair and begining to push him away from the scene.

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Ok, so only short chapter, but hopefully the content made up for the shortness? I kinda feel like I'm copping out now, as so many people asked me to kill him, I feel like I'm taking the easy way out, but this was planned right from the start! But, is it definitely Lawson? Gotta love the irony, a fire in the chapter, as I'm talking about a real fire that I saw!

Sexehbunneh: Oh no :( that kinda sucks, I hope it wasn't a one off, but maybe at least even if nothing did progress, you'd still have the memories of that romantic night? Or maybe that made it that much harder now? It sounds so sucky that he's acting like it never happened, I hope talking to him goes well! Oh, and I;m glad you enjoyed the last chapter and hope you liked this one too!

Rose-Aki: Ch 15: Im glad you liked Spinelli remembering the old times with TJ, a thought that would be kinda sweet to write! It is sweet that she's never stopped loving TJ :) Ch 16: Im glad you found it sweet that Spinelli got butterflies in ther stomach when she saw TJ! And that he wants only her! Ch 17: Aww, Im glad you liked TJ and Spinelli's kiss, and of course, I had to have him calling her beautiful! It definetly is good that Spinelli is finally leaving Lawson and getting a divorce, and that she told him just what she thought! I hope you enjoyed my turn of events!

Chantaya: Hey! Its so cool to see that you're reading, I hope you like the story!

Omgpear: Enjoy the chapter? It seems your wish about Lawson just may have been granted! Its definetly a good thing that Lawson was so drunk, as you suspected, he may have recognised TJ, although from what it seems, he may not be able to tell anyone even if he did recognise him! I hope this was better than TJ running over Lawson with his wheelchair?

TomboybuttercupSakaast: Hi, thanks for reading and commenting! I'm so glad you're enjoying it, I hope you liked this chapter!

RandalXSpinelli: Im glad you liked Spinelli chewing out Lawson, she needed to say it! I did think TJ would make a good social worker, and I decided to put him in that sort of line of work, based on what had happened to him/his family. I can imagine most social workers are total asscunts, my half bother and cousin has Aspurguers, don't think my brother has a social worker or anything, but my Dad is such an asscunt he wouldn't need a social worker for that role!

Burton's Disney Princess: Yup, Spinelli is finally leaving Lawson, and things are all set for her and TJ! Im glad that you liked the fact that I didnt get her to completly fall head over heels for him right away, I wanted too, as it would have been so sweet, but unrealistic! I hope you liked this update!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	19. Chapter 19: The Identification

Ok, well today I can seriously close too throwing my laptop out the window, so its good that chapter is even being posted, I was trying to edit/re-write my ending (which I hated) because the mouse kept spazzing out and clicking in randon places, one moment I'd be writing normally, the next it'd click half way up the page, into another paragraph. Either that, or it would right click and start copying/pasting, or it would click the things at the top of my word document, like the header/footer option and my writing would be in a header or footer! Its still playing up now, but not as bad!

I also have good news, I've written an extra chapter, so now the final chapter is chapter 21! Although on a less positive note, it will be a fairly short chaoter (im not finished yet so unsure how short!

Oh, and well done to Burton's Disney Princess who spotted that I liked the last chapter back to the 'I love the way you lie' chapter, where Lawson said he'd tie spinelli to the bed, and set the flat on fire if she tried to leave again!

**Chapter 19: The Identification**

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TJ sat, waiting outside the room as Spinelli had gone in, to identify Lawson's body the following morning; again Spinelli had stayed around TJ's adoptive mums with him and she had gotten two weeks of compassionate leave from work, so she had one less thing to worry about.

"Was it him?" asked TJ gently, as Spinelli stepped out.

"Yeah, it was"

"Are you ok?" asked TJ.

"He was in an awful state, I almost couldn't recognise him" replied Spinelli "I mean it was definitely him and all, but still..."

"Well I'm here if you need me, you know that right Spin?"

"I know, and thanks, that really means a lot. I'll be fine" replied Spinelli "Sure, I'm sad, but this is entirely his fault, he was the one who started the fire in the first place and he refused the help to get out"

"You have a fair point, but it is ok to be sad"

"I know. I won't miss him, and I still hate him, but that doesn't mean I wanted him to die ya'know? Part of me is sad, as Lawson and I did have our happy times and memories after all, even if they are few and far between"

"Yeah, I understand" replied TJ "Did they say anything else?"

"They said they alcohol levels were so high in his blood, they weren't sure how he was even conscious, let alone how to walk around and start the fire. Apparently he died of a combination of smoke inhalation and alcohol poisoning; each set off the other and made it worse"

"Man, it is sad, I mean they guy is what? Like twenty three? Twenty four? Was he an alcoholic?"

"Yeah, not that he'd ever of admitted it. It got worse and worse over the years, I tried to get him to admit it a few times, but it would always wind up in a huge fight, so I just gave up in the end" replied Spinelli "Should we go over to the police station to give our statements now? It would make sense since we're so close anyway"

"We don't have to if you don't want to Spin, if you don't feel up to it, we could just go another time"

"Thanks Teej" said Spinelli quietly, glancing around to make sure no one was nearby to hear her calling TJ by his proper name.

"It's nothing; it's hardly a problem for us to come back another time" replied TJ

"No, I mean thank you for just being there for me, and being understanding" replied Spinelli "I kinda forgot what it was like"

"Well you'll never have to worry about that again Spin, because I'm not going anywhere" replied TJ.

"I know it's not like me to admit to something like this, but I really don't know how I've managed without you over the last ten years" said Spinelli quietly.

"I don't know how I've managed either, like I was saying to you before, when I found out about my family I was devastated, and just wanted my best friend" replied TJ "It's ok to admit to our times when we aren't at our strongest. This may sound kinda strange, but in my opinion, part of being strong is admitting to, accepting our weaknesses too"

"I never looked at it like that before" replied Spinelli "Hey, do you remember our last conversation? About my best friend being the one person I'd have as a boyfriend?"

"Yeah I remember" replied TJ with a smile "It _was_ me wasn't it?"

"Of course, you idiot!" laughed Spinelli.

"That's what I thought; it was you I was talking about that day too"

"Really? So did you really think I was pretty?" asked Spinelli in surprise; this had come out of her mouth, before she could stop herself.

"Was? You are pretty Spin, beautiful in fact" replied TJ "You know, right before my mum walked in, I was going to kiss you"

"I wish you did" replied Spinelli "Then again, maybe that would have made life that much harder when I thought I'd lost you"

"I wish I did too, but it definitely would have made leaving everything behind harder" said TJ as he and Spinelli approached the main entrance; they were just about to walk out when they heard a voice from behind them.

"Ashley?" they looked around to see Jane approaching them "Sorry, I didn't want to call you that nick name, is it _all_ true? I saw the flats; they're in a real state. Oh, hey Zack, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, I was just coming with Ashley for moral support, our mum's our friends" lied TJ.

"Yeah, it's true Jane, but I'm fine. Things were never good between me and Lawson. Right before it all happened, I'd told him I wanted a divorce, and he went nuts, and set the place alight"

"Wow, that's awful, I'm so sorry. You know I'm here if you need me, right?"

"Thank you Jane" replied Spinelli "Zack has been great too. It'll be nice to finally have some freedom; I'm looking forward to starting the next chapter of my life. Oh, speaking of which, call me Spinelli"

"Well ok then Spinelli" replied Jane "Make sure you take it easy while you have the time off, and don't come back until you know you're ready. Give me a call if you need me. Nice seeing you again Zack."

"You too" said TJ.

"Bye" said Spinelli, hugging Jane before walking from the door.

TJ and Spinelli went to the police station and gave their statements without great event; both statements were believed, accepted and supported by the evidence. Both were, obviously, uncharged for the events, and because Lawson had died, he obviously could be charged either. The police had also confirmed there had been no casualties other than Lawson, which Spinelli and TJ were both very relieved about.

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Hope you enjoyed that chapter! Yay Lawson is dead! Two more chapters to go!

Sexehbunneh: No, i remember you telling me, I know you were best friends, and he knew you liked him? Its so sweet he got you that CD at least it will help with the happy memories! And yup, Lawson is gone!

RandalXSpinelli: Yup, Lawson is more than an ass hole, it relates back to my 'love the way you lie' chapter when, right at the end he said he'd tie her to the bed, and set the flat on fire :s

Burton's Disney Princess: Yup, very intense! Gotta love intense chapters :) no, its not bad that you don't feel bad for Lawson, because as you said, ti was his fault, I enjoyed killing him off! Im so glad someone spotted the link back to the 'i love the way you lie' chapter, I wasn't sure if anyone would spot that! Im glad you're the same kind of classy person as me, and im not the only one who goes to watch stuff like fires, they're knocking it down today, they've also confirmed no one was hurt too which is good!

Rose-Aki: lol glad Im not the only one who'd of recorded it! I still cringe at me and my friend talking to each other in the background though! It is sad there aren't many chapters left, I love writing so im always so gutted when I've competed a fic, but on the bright side, there is an extra chapter! I hope you liked the update!

Omgpear: I feel very special :) Im glad you enjoyed the chapter, and even better, it IS Lawson! Yay! Dieing in the fore he caused himself definetly beats getting run over by a wheelchair! Lets hope in the final two chapters that everything settles down for them, they deserve it!

Melbelle: You're welcome :) Lawson definetly had it coming! I hope you liked this update!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	20. Chapter 20: Gossip

Ok, this chapter would probably be up if I hadnt spent the last half hour or so listening to 90's music on itunes (my guilty pleasure!) I got really carried away lol! But Im in a slightly better mood now (not had a good day!) anyway, I have to get my ass of this laptop as I still have presents to wrap for my friends Im meeting in an hour! Oops!

Enjoy the penultimate chapter!

**Chapter 20: Gossip**

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"I cant remember the last time I felt this at home and relaxed" said Spinelli, as she and TJ sat on his sofa, eating take away and watching a horror film.

"Well this place isn't much, its only small, but its home; for both of us." replied TJ "We could start decorating when I get the casts off if you like, I only really just moved in as I got my job, so I've not had chance to even think about decorating yet"

"That will be nice" replied Spinelli "How on earth did you manage to afford a place like this anyway? I mean I know it's not huge, but still..."

"My parents had life insurance" replied TJ "I used it to pay my way through college, then got this place when I got my job. I used more of the money for a deposit, and I'm saving the rest for the future, you know, if I do have kids or something; not that I'm thinking about that just now. I know that's what mum and dad would have wanted me to do with the money"

"Yeah, I can see that" chuckled Spinelli "I can so picture your Dad lecturing you now about being sensible with money"

"Yeah, me too, but what can you expect for a financial advisor?"

"Hey Teej" said Spinelli suddenly "Can you cook?"

"What now? With the casts? You can't seriously still be hungry can you?"

"No, I mean can you cook in general?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because I can't"

"You can't cook?" asked TJ, raising a cheeky eyebrow before continuing "And you call yourself a woman?"

"Oi!" said Spinelli slapping TJ around the head playfully and laughing "You know, I could put you in _another_ cast!"

"You don't want to do that" replied TJ

"and why would that be?"

"Because you like me? Plus I _can_ cook, so another cast would mean we would have to wait longer until I can cook! Vince taught me a few things when we were back at Third Street, so I've just developed m cooking from that. Although don't get me wrong, I do like that charcoal barbeque style cooking"

"Good, because that what you'll be getting, either that or take away"

"I know you said you don't talk to any of the gang anymore, but do you know what they're all up too?" asked TJ "Well apart from Mikey, I noticed he's performing on Broadway"

"Yeah he is, did you hear he's got the lead in the hunchback of notre dame? It was the opening week last week" replied Spinelli "He must be so happy, it's all Mikey ever dreamed of in school. As we drifted away, he wound up with the drama crowd and was in all the school musicals"

"Yeah, I heard, do you think we should go watch him play? I mean I don't think we could really see him face to face, and risk anyone else knowing who I am, but it'd be nice to kinda watch him"

"Sure, I get why we cant see him" replied Spinelli "His girlfriend would recognise you anyway, although I actually think they're married now"

"Girlfriend? So Mikey isn't gay?"

"No, he's not, and you'll never guess who he's married to now?"

"Kurst?"

"No, not even close"

"Who then?"

"Ashley T"

"WHAT?" exclaimed TJ in surprise, "Mikey ended up with an Ashley? What did the others say about that? Even in elementary school they had a list of approvable boys, what did Ashley A say about that?"

"Not much really, but with good reason" replied Spinelli "Guess who she's with now?"

"Johnny V?" asked TJ, he guessed again as Spinelli shook her head "King Bob?"

"No, cold. Both have certain assets that don't really interest Ashley A, or Ashley Q for that matter..."

"I don't get it?" replied TJ feeling confused

"Ashley A and Ashley Q, are, well, _together_"

"Seriously?"

"Yup, everyone was so shocked! They came out about everything in high school and most people were really accepting" replied Spinelli

"Wow, im surprised, people in high school are pretty judgemental"

"Yeah, well it probably helped that they were popular" reasoned Spinelli "That, and the fact that they were actually quite sweet together, and worked really well was a couple"

"Are they still together?"

"According to facebook they are" replied Spinelli

"Come on then" replied TJ "We've gone through the other Ashley's, who's Ashley B with? Principle Prickly?"

"Vince" replied Spinelli

"But Vince and Gretchen had just gotten together right before I left into the witness relocation programme?"

"Yeah, it didn't work out between them, they tried to make it work but after a few months they decided they were better off as friends" explained Spinelli "Vince started dating Ashley B half way through middle school, then at the end of high school they got married, a week before Lawson and I did actually. Anyway, it turned out they Vince and Ashley got married because she was pregnant, they have twin girls now. Vince is working as a chef at some fancy restaurant and Ashley B is a beautician"

"Well good for them, Im glad it's working out" replied TJ "So you mentioned Gretchen? What she up to now, do you know?"

"She left for a specialist school at the start of high school, you know, like openhimer, only a high school. Frank went with her, they're still at college now, taking a particularly long degree in something to do with science, and they're apparently an item too"

"Frank?"

"Oh right of course, he still called himself Knarf back then, you know, the pale kid?"

"Well that's really good for them" replied TJ with a smile "So, you've told me about Mikey, Gretchen and Vince. What's Gus up too? Is he with Theresa? And in the army?"

"Oh Teej, you never heard?"

"Heard what?" asked TJ "Was Gus gay too? I've gotta say, I wouldn't be surprised, although I did think he had a bit of a soft spot for Chippy"

"No, Gus wasn't gay, he did end up with Theresa, they've actually got a child together, a little boy I think, and he did go into the army"

"So? What's up then? What was I supposed to her about?" asked TJ curiously

"Gus went over to Afghanistan with some other troops" explained Spinelli "But... well the thing is Teej, Gus was killed in action"

"What?"

"I know" nodded Spinelli sadly "It happened about a year ago"

"That's so sad, but he died a hero's death, doing what he loved"

"Yeah, I guess he did"

"Part of me would love to get back in contact with the gang, I've always wanted too, but I know they'd recognise me, and I just cant take the risk of being in contact with anyone else from my past" said TJ "I really shouldn't have even told you"

"No, I understand" replied Spinelli "I guess part of me would have liked to get in contact with them, but we're like strangers now. If I'm really honest with myself, I'm not really even sad about it, I mean sure, I miss what we had in Elementary, but we're all different people now. If we were the same people as we went back at Third Street they'd of stood by me even if they did disagree with who I was dating, but they didn't; they just refused to talk to me"

"They should have stood by you"

"Maybe, but we all just drifted away. I wasn't perfect to them either, in fact I was a downright bitch around the time I thought you'd died; and in high school everyone had their own dramas going on" replied Spinelli "Its all water under the bridge now, in the past. We've found each other again, and I couldn't be happier about that fact"

"Nor me" replied TJ, kissing Spinelli's cheek "One thing I have been meaning to ask, although you don't have to answer if you don't want too. I was just wandering if you've thought about getting back in contact with your parents?"

"Yeah, I've thought about it, and I will, I just don't know what to say"

"Well, I'm sure they'll just be happy to hear from you"

"I hope so" replied Spinelli

"Hey Spin, I hope the timing of this doesn't sound really insensitive, but..." started TJ, trying to best word what was on his mind "...but if you do get in contact with them, and see them, they might recognise me"

"Don't worry about that" laughed Spinelli "There's no chance of that happening, my Mum could never remember your name, she always called you BJ remember? And Dad is rubbish with faces so there's no chance of them recognising you; I was the one who always recognised people, and parties and weddings they'd usually rely on me to remember who was who"

"True" replied TJ, before laughing "I can't believe she always called me BJ"

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I put this chapter as I wanted to include the gang in some way, even if they couldn't be in the story completely! I also wanted to have a bit of fun, and match a few couples up with different people that they usually get paired with! One more chapter to go :(

Omgpear: No real drama in this chapter, just all about the rest of the gang! It is a good thing they didnt kiss back when they were twelve, at least then, neither was totally sure if the other liked them.

RandalXSpinelli: Thank you :) I hope you liked this one too, it was to make up for the fact that the gang won't be properly in the story. I'm glad you liked Spinelli's reaction to Lawson's death, I wanted to make it real, so I made Spinelli sad, it would have been unrealistic if she was totally fine!

UshEmmy: aww, im glad you did! Thank you so much :) I was trying to go for a cute/sad combo :)

Sexehbunneh: Thank you, I hope you do like how I end it! Im glad you liked that TJ and Spinelli talked about their last conversation, and found it cute, It was kinda what I was going for :) Its good that cannon ball reminds you of the dance, that will always be your song :)

Burton's Disney Princess: Im glad you did :) Im glad you found Spinelli's reaction to Lawson's death realistic, I thought her being totally fine, and not giving a crap about his death would have been very unrealistic! Im glad you liked the conversation between TJ and Spinelli about their last conversation, I wanted to make it sweet! Lol its cool that you still feel smart, you were the only one to point it out, unsure if anyone else spotted it.

Rose-Aki: I thought it'd be sweet to have them talk about their last conversation, Im glad you liked it :) I hope you liked this update!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


	21. Chapter 21: 6 months later

Awww, as usual, I see kinda sad that this story is ending, but I hope everyone enjoyed it, and I hope you all enjoy the ending! Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, or favourited the story, its meant so much :)

I don't have any plans for any more stories at the moment, but Im sure i'll wind up posting a few song fics, and you never know, I may get an idea for another multi chapter story!

Happy Christmas to all those who celebrate it, I hope everyone has a lovely time over charismas!

**Chapter 21: 6 months later**

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~*~6 months later~*~

Spinelli woke gently as she felt a tickling to her arm, as she came to her senses, she realised that TJ was lied hugging her, tracing lines gently along her arm.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" asked TJ.

"Na, its fine" replied Spinelli.

"How are you feeling this morning?" asked TJ, Spinelli smiled, and rolled around to face him.

"Good, although that's a bit of an odd question to ask" replied Spinelli.

"Yeah I know, and I know you were sure, I was just checking I guess" replied TJ.

The previous night, TJ and Spinelli had slept together for the first time. It had happened on its naturally and neither had planned it, although TJ had ensured that it was what Spinelli wanted to do, reassuring her that he didn't mind waiting for longer. Spinelli insisted that she was sure it was what she wanted, but she was still surprised at how romantic the whole thing had been. The times she'd had sex with Lawson, she'd felt awkward, and almost dirty after and she'd never enjoyed the intimacy with him; it was completely different with TJ, being with him really made her understand the term _making love_.

"Thanks Teej, I really am fine, like I said last night, I'm sure it was what I wanted, and I'm still sure of that fact"

"Good" replied TJ "So how's your application coming along?"

"Oh I forgot to tell you, I sent it off yesterday" replied Spinelli.

"That's brilliant, I know you'll get in. They'd be mad not to accept you" replied TJ.

Spinelli had decided to follow her dream to become a nurse, and had applied to study nursing, via an open university course (A/N: Do you have those in the US, there's companies that offer the opportunity for people to study degrees at home) and the ward she'd worked on, and agreed to offer her a placement to start off her training.

"I hope so" replied Spinelli "Jane has been so helpful she's given me all her notes from when she trained, and she's given me a few books too, they're really interesting"

"Geek" teased TJ

"Shut up you"

"So what time did you say your parents were getting here?"

"Six" replied Spinelli

"Ok, well I'll get dinner ready for then" replied TJ

"Did you want some help with dinner?"

"I think I'll pass" said TJ with a smile.

"Are you saying me cooking is bad?" joked Spinelli, propping herself up.

"No, as I've told you, I like charcoal food" laughed TJ "But spaghetti bolognaise doesn't really work as a charcoaled dish"

"Hmm, I think you might just be right on that one" laughed Spinelli.

She and TJ could always joke between them, her cooking being one of their favourite subjects to laugh about as it really was awful. However, unlike what happened with Lawson, Spinelli knew the jokes weren't personal and they never left her feeling bad the way Lawson's comments did. Thinking about it, Spinelli realised just how different her relationship with TJ was. She and Lawson never laughed like she did with TJ, mostly because he had no sense of humour unless it entailed someone suffering or getting hurt.

TJ was finally free of all casts, eight weeks after his accident, and he was now receiving physiotherapy, to get his strength back in the limbs that had been broken. The burns on TJ's face had healed well; they could only be slightly noticed in a certain light. TJ was a little conscious of this at times, and of the burns on his shoulder, which were more notable, but Spinelli had reassured him that they didn't bother her in the slightest. TJ gotten used to the burns, but it hadn't happened immediately, as it was a change to his body that he had to accept and live with.

TJ had attended Lawson's funeral with Spinelli, but they had been the only ones there. Lawson had pushed away his friends when he'd left school, and it hadn't taken long after that, with his continuous drinking and abuse, for Lawson to push away his family too. For his family, the final straw had been when he'd stolen a considerable amount of money from them in order to buy alcohol. Spinelli had felt a little sad at the funeral, but hadn't cried, she'd just wished that things could have been different for Lawson, and that he could have lived his life on without her, and without the alcohol.

Spinelli had nervously called her parents after Lawson's funeral, and had apologised, and explained everything. Just as TJ had predicted, Mr and Mrs Spinelli had been thrilled to hear from their daughter, and had forgiven her without a second thought. Spinelli had spoke to her parents on the phone for hours, and explained she'd met someone else, of course, she'd told them that this person was called Zack, to maintain TJ's secret. Since their first phone call, Spinelli had seen her parents on a few occasions, like she'd suspected, her parents didn't recognise TJ, and believed him to be Zack Slater, because of the distance, Spinelli had few opportunities to her parents, and they had always come to visit her, to avoid TJ being recognised back home.

TJ and Spinelli had been to watch Mikey in his lead role of the hunchback of notra dame, which they'd both enjoyed, and although they didn't speak to him, they could see he was happy with his life.

"Can you believe it's been six months?" asked Spinelli thoughtfully.

"Seriously?" said TJ in surprise, calculating the dates himself "Yeah, you're right, that's gone by fast! How does it make you feel? Do you think about Lawson often?"

"Now and then I guess, although I'm thinking about him less as time is going on"

"That makes sense" replied TJ "You seem a lot happier now, you seem to have gotten your spirit back, it was always one of the things I love about you"

"Yeah, I guess I have changed a lot, I'm a lot happier now" pondered Spinelli "heck, now I even believe in Father Christmas again!"(A/N: Spinelli is referring back to her statement in chapter 5, where she said love wasn't real, and that it was just like Father Christmas, you only believed in it as a child)

"Huh?" mumbled TJ, looking at Spinelli with confusion.

"I mean that I love you, you idiot!" said Spinelli with a smile "I didn't really believe in love before, but now I do"

"I love you too" replied TJ, kissing Spinelli.

When they were together, TJ and Spinelli were happier than they'd ever been in the last ten years; it was as though without each other, something was missing. Occasionally, they did bicker with each other, just as any couple did, but they never had real fights. Likewise, there had never been any hint of violence from either party, nor would there ever be. Spinelli had known this would be the case, as the relationship between her and TJ was different than that between her and Lawson. TJ and Spinelli were soul mates, neither could deny that fact.

~*~The End~*~

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Well, there it was, the ending, I'm sad the story is over, as I've really enjoyed writing it! I hope you guys liked the cheesy/happy ending! I hope everyone has a great Christmas!

RandalXSpinelli: Thank you :) Im glad you liked the endings for the gang, I know you said you'd of liked them to be in it, so this was as close as I could get :) It is sad that the gang fell apart, but I thought the story would work better that way, as they'd recognise TJ. I think the 90s is my favourite era of music too, I really don't like the crap that's in the charts now (well I do like the odd song) I love all the chart music, from the 90s era, I also like the club type music from the 90s and the metal, I basically like it all lol! Thanks for reading my story, and I hope you enjoyed how I ended it!

Sexehbunneh: TJ was only joking when he mocked Spinelli, he wasn't actually being serious, I know this chapter said that, but I just wanted to make sure it was clear :) I remember you saying about your sister, that is sad :(

Rose-Aki: lol Im glad you found TJ and Spinelli joking around about her cooking funny, I wanted to make sure it was clear just how different their relationship is to the one she had with Lawson, and just how fun it is! It was sad what happened to Gus, and that the gang aren't friends anymore, but I thought the story would work better if Spinelli wasn't friends with them, mainly because they'd recognise him, but I thought it'd still be nice to include them in some way! I hope you liked the ending, and how everything turned out for TJ and Spinelli!

UshEmmy: Thanks! I wanted to include the gang is some way, it was kinda sad that Gus died, but nice that the other members of the gang's lives are going well. I know the Ashley A/Ashley Q thing was a surprise, I wanted to do something a bit different, and paired up the other two ashelys so thought pairing those two together would be fun! Ashley T's character was always quiet (in reality it was because she was the only Ashley character that didn't have an actor voicing her, she was voiced by the same person who does Ashley Q's voice) but I thought I'd use that, and make it that she was quiet, because she never really felt she fitted in with them, and as a result, she found Mikey! Or it could be because he wound up rich, I thought I'd leave that up to everyone's imagination!

Omgpear: Yeah, I felt like I had to split up the gang for the story to work, otherwise they'd recognise TJ and Spinelli probably wouldn't have been in the awful situation she was in. Splitting them up gave me a good chance to be a bit creative with the story as to what happened to them, I had the most fun pairing Ashley A and Ashley Q up! Knarf is in the pale kids episode (www. youtube .com/watch?v=sIhziS_HjyM) just delete the spaces and brackets! I loved the parents night episode, I can so picture that scene and that quote from Mrs Spinelli in my head! I hope you liked the ending!

Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome!

Big Cliffy Meanie x


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